Thursday, May 9, 2019

Speed Freaks? (Reprinted from "David'Z RantZ," 4/15/08)

No, no, no, fellow babies, this is not a "Comical Wednesday" post. Just ignore
the illustration above. Well... Don't ignore it, exactly, but... Oh, never mind.

Somewhere between those geological eras known as the Mesozoic and the Cenozoic -- or, more specifically, before the widespread use of the "call waiting" function -- one of the most irritating things we humans had to deal with was the following scenario: 

You want or -- even worse -- need to contact a friend, relative, business associate... whatever. So you walk to the nearest phone, and...

(Excuse me? No, no, I said "you walk," not "you reach into your pocket!" Cell phones as we know them hadn't been invented yet! The only "mobile phones" to speak of were a special kind of electronic appliance that was installed in your car, and was large enough to comfortably seat your three smallest children. The kind of telephone I'm talking about using here was on a cord that was actually attached to a wall, like a cable TV line. And although so-called "telephone jacks" did exist, most telephones stayed in whatever room they had originally been installed in, and...

Can I please get back to my story?)

So, anyway... You call your friend, and get a busy signal. Remember, this example pre-dates "call waiting," so you get an annoying buzzing sound in your ear that tells you that the person you're attempting to call is already talking to someone who can't possibly be as important as you are. So you hang up.

Ten minutes later, you call back. Still busy. ("Geez, how long does this guy talk, anyway?") 

You wait another ten minutes, and call again. Still busy! ("Okay, he has to be off soon!") 

So you call again, five minutes later. Still busy?!? ("Oh, for... !")

This goes on for another fifteen or twenty minutes. Your calls are now spaced about one minute apart. Plus, to add to the aggravation, at this time in mankind's history there is no such handy feature as an automatic "re-dial" button on your phone, either.

On your penultimate try, you dial, hear the grating busy signal once again, slam the phone down, lift it up again and immediately dial your insensitive friend's number once more, even 'though you know in your heart of hearts that if he was on the phone four seconds earlier, he'll still be on it now.

However...

The phone rings. It rings! He's finally off the phone, and can receive your all-important call!

Except...

There's no answer. There's no answer!

Why? Well, because your friend isn't home, of course.

So, you ask yourself, "How the hell could he hang up the telephone, and then vanish immediately?"

You're understandably furious. You promise yourself that the next time you see him, you're going to grab him by the front of his shirt (let's hope your friend is a "him" if you plan that approach, by the way), lift him a foot or two off the ground, and scream, "What the f**k do you do after an hour-long phone call?!? Hang up and immediately jump out the nearest window?!?"

But you don't... You do what we all do, or did. (I'll now drop my pretentious use of the present tense, describing a scene ostensibly taking place in the past!) You calmed down, and forgot.

So we never learned just how these people "did it."

You know, until now, I never appreciated "call waiting" very much. (Probably because I'm usually the one who's put "on hold" while the person I'm speaking with takes a call from someone else who, as in my example above, can't possibly be as important as I like to believe that I am. I resent it enough when a corporation puts me on hold, but I really hate it when a friend does it!) But after reading what I just wrote, I suppose I should admit that "call waiting" really does have some advantages.

But I digress.

The passage of time, coupled with minor technological innovations like "call waiting" and the "re-dial" button, have all but done away with instances like the above. Ah, but technology can be a double-edged sword! The oh-so-wonderful internet has given us something equally annoying in the place of my telephone horror story!

Here's the new variation: While you are working at your computer -- specifically, checking your e-mail -- an e-mail arrives from a friend (or relative, or... hell, you know the drill). You don't even take the time to sign on to Yahoo Messenger, or MSN Messenger, or AIM, or ICQ, etc. Nope! You just dash off a quick e-mail in response, and wait.

And wait.

And wait.

And this waiting is made even more irritating if you employ services such as MSGTAG, as I used to (a little thingamabob that e-mails you as soon as your message is actually read), because the absence of a notification such as theirs proves that your e-mail has not been read. And I don't mean "read, but not yet replied to." I mean, not even seen!

So, you ask yourself, "How the hell could he send an e-mail, and then vanish immediately?"

And you're frustrated (but at least you're not furious!), frustrated to the point that you promise yourself that the next time you see him, you're going to grab him by the front of his shirt (and let's still hope your friend is a "him" if you plan that approach), lift him a foot or two off the ground, and scream, "What the f**k do you do after you send an e-mail?!? Unplug your computer and immediately jump out the nearest window?!?"

But you don't... You do what we all do. You calm down, and forget.

So we'll never learn just how these people "do it."

I'm pretty sure this is what they were referring to in "The Lion King" when they sang "Circle of Life."

But... hey! Y'know somethin'? As John Astin (as "Buddy" on Night Court) used to say... "I'm feeling much better now." This "RantZ" page beats the hell out of tranquilizers, any day!

Thanks for your time.

29 comments:

  1. I know, I know, more recycling... Oh, well!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Didn't you hear that China no longer takes recyclables?

    Yep. The whole hurry up and wait is still around in some form or another. The one thing with email as they have to have it. Have to have this info, but then they don't respond further or give you the info in the same orderly fashion. Or they go back and forth with tidbits forever like they think they are texting. Fun times.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We live in a world where people don't want to wait for anything.

      Delete
  3. I've always wondered how that happens with texts. Like, we're communicating back and forth, and then all of a sudden, there's no answer to a question, and it's usually one that needs an immediate response or no further action can be done on my end.

    Ahh, your rants always refresh me, because I know I'm not alone.

    By the way, you'll need to update my blog address in your sidebar. I've written a bunch of posts since my 200th on Blogger, but the correct address is now easyreaderediting.com/blog

    And it looks like I've missed a couple of yours as well! I'm off to catch up . . .

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Update done! Can't wait to check out what I've missed!

      Delete
    2. Hooray! It'll be good to hear from you again.

      Delete
    3. I've missed at least three. I'll get to them very soon, I promise!

      Delete
  4. Ha - I always enjoy a good rant. Here is what gets me going, I take the time to write, what I think is a thoughtful email, I send it off expecting a response in some reasonable amount of time. Unfortunately, days turn into weeks and no response. Then suddenly one appears! Sorry, I have been so busy and I am finally replying. WTH...you were too busy to take 5 minutes? I get it some days people are busy that is why I say a reasonable amount of time. I guess what I perceive as reasonable is not what other perceive as reasonable. I guess emails are going out the window in the era of instant messenger, twitter and Instagram. Have people lost the desire to share some thought provoking conversation?

    I could use a drink...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sometimes it may take me a while to respond to a really long, well-thought-out email since I want to give some thought and time when I answer it.

      You keep mentioning drinks. Whenever you're ready, send me an email. And yes, I will

      Delete
    2. That was supposed to say "And yes, I will reply."

      Delete
    3. Hi Silver,

      Have a great weekend! I hope you are well. The weather is going to be great this weekend.

      I recently was put on hold while talking to someone, how rude is that? This person said "I have another call coming through, hold on". Somehow, I was accidentally disconnected ;)

      Delete
    4. I never put people on hold unless I'm expecting an incredibly important call. I agree, it's kinda rude. "Hang on, someone who's more important than you are -- although I don't even know who it is yet -- is calling, so you have to wait."

      Delete
    5. Exactly Silver, why should I hold on?

      How are you? I miss seeing you around. Facebook must be keeping you busy these days.

      Delete
    6. Well, Facebook, yes, but not just Facebook. How have you been, True? Still looking for an email. ;-)

      Delete
  5. I hate call waiting. Only used it a couple times and those times, I accidentally drop both calls. I miss those curly telephone cords though - they were fun to wrap my fingers in. Nowadays, I like to keep my phone turned off, as much as most people love theirs on.

    Be well and enjoy the weekend, Silver.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I miss the mold curly cords, too!

      Hope your weekend goes swimmingly as well, Robyn!

      Delete
    2. Ha. I meant "the OLD curly cords," not "MOLD."

      Delete
    3. Well, they're now old enough to collect mold. So that works too, I suppose. Sigh. Those were the days.

      Delete
    4. There's a lot to be said for the days when people couldn't carry their damned phones around 24/7.

      Delete
  6. Ha! Loved it! Do you think it's possible for us to equally enjoy modern convenience while also pining for simpler (albeit sometimes frustrating) times? I love call waiting when I'm the caller and someone hangs up with whomever they were speaking with to take my call. I don't enjoy it so much when it's the other way around. Odd huh?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Every advance in technology seems to be a trade-off in one way or another.

      Delete
  7. Did I mention I love this post? Well, I love this post. Now ask me why. Well, since you're asking, I love this post because you sound a bit like me when I'm ranting full blast. What do you mean I haven't seen nothing yet? How is that grammatical anyway? (smile)

    Except... I'd be grabbing him by the balls. Yes, sir. And if he happens to be a she, well, sue me. Just don't Mary Sue me. (smile)

    Did I mention I hate phones?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Before my "The Lair of the Silver Fox." (Yes, with the period at the end!) blog, I had a blog called "David'Z RantZ" where I would... well... rant. I'd take something that annoyed me and write about it like it was the worst thing in the world, something which infuriated me and made me want to cause bodily harm to the person or people responsible. This post originally appeared on that blog. Even now, whenever I do a rant on what I call my "Foxyblog," I subtitle it "A David'Z RantZ Post" as I do my "Comical Wednesday" posts, or my "Short Shorts" posts, etc.

      Delete
  8. Ha ha - great post - really resonated with me. There's nothing like a good old rant! :)

    Susan A Eames at
    Travel, Fiction and Photos

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My old blog was made up of mostly rants, or as I called them, "RantZ."

      Delete
  9. I recently bought a touch tone princess phone at a garage sale. Curly cord and all. Why? Nostalgia maybe. I never owned one as a teen.

    Sorry, I am all out of rants. I hurt all over today. Maybe tomorrow.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Isn't hurting all over just one more good reason to rant? Or is it just me?

      Delete
  10. To anyone under forty this is pure science fiction. Well, maybe prehistory from about the time between dinosaurs and Noah. I am sure they won't believe a word of it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're right. Things change so quickly in terms of technology, it's hard for younger folks to even comprehend when things were different. "What do you mean, before the internet?"

      Delete

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