WHAT Were They THINKING?!? ~~ A "Comical Wednesday" Post

A little less than five years ago, I did a two-part "Comical Wednesday" post about what I called "Unfortunate Comics." Here are the links for Part One and Part Two! And even before that, I did a CW post called "Nobody's Perfect!" I had fun writing them, my readers had fun reading them, and frankly, I'd recommend them all.

These three posts, as well as today's, show some of the weirder aspects of comic history, "weird" meaning strange and... ill-advised?

1) First, let's focus on one of the earliest members of Iron Man's supporting cast, Pepper Potts. And no, I don't mean the one featured in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, played by Gwyneth Paltrow. I'm referring to the one in the actual comics. Both Pepper Potts and Tony Stark's chauffeur/bodyguard, Happy Hogan, were introduced in Tales of Suspense #45, cover-dated September 1963.

As mentioned here, my first issue of Tales of Suspense was issue #53. (I was eventually lucky enough to get my friend Kevin's copy of Tales of Suspense #45 soon after I learned about Iron Man.) By then, little Pepper looked like this:

The dramatic change in Pepper's appearance was explained at the bottom of that pin-up page. For those of you who don't want to squint, here's what it says:

When first introduced in "Tales of Suspense" Pepper had been a perky, pug-nosed, freckle-faced imp! But, after she realized how Tony Stark feels about glamorous females... Pepper went to her beauty parlor and "shot the works!" Today she's one of [the] most gorgeous females in comics... or anywhere else!

Yeah, well, I personally don't think Tony (Iron Man) Stark deserved li'l Pepper. Look at the crappy way he treated her in the following sequence, which occurred before her famous make-over!

Yeah, I'm sure Tony lost a lot of sleep over that stunt, ya think?

What an effin' jerk, huh?

2) Next, fellow babies, we're gonna leave the mid-1960s and head for 1951 (well, figuratively speaking, anyway). Specifically, Superman #73, cover-dated November-December, 1951.

We all know how, as a baby, the infant Kal-El was found by Jonathan and Martha Kent when his Kryptonian rocket crashed in a field. They wanted to keep him, but couldn't just start showing up everywhere with a baby, so they dropped him off at an orphanage, and "just happened" to find and adopt him shortly thereafter. Well, Superman #73 contains a story called "The Mighty Mite!" This story shows Superbaby being adopted by three different couples (IIRC) before the Kents, all of whom brought him back to the orphanage when various manifestations of his developing super-abilities occurred.

For my younger readers, I should probably point out that 'way back then, it was not only considered proper upbringing to slap the s**t out of your own children, but it was also perfectly acceptable to spank other people's kids if the little brats acted up!

However, such forms of discipline didn't always yield the expected results, not when it came to spanking a baby who would grow up to be called the "Man of Steel!"

3) Oh, by the way, there was a common "bit" in the older Superman titles where people would try to cut Superman's hair for one crazy reason or another. Here are only three examples:

The same thing happened every time. His invulnerable hair refused to be cut, and the scissors always broke!

Oh, really? You try cutting something, something like a strip or rod of metal, something you know can't be cut. But, do the scissors break? Of course not. The "cutter" in these instances would have to be just as super-powered as the "cuttee" in order to break the freakin' scissors!

4) Next, we'll go back to Marvel Comics for something totally different. In 1976, Weird Wonder Tales #19 introduced Dr. Druid... kinda. His origin story was somewhat similar to that of Dr. Strange. During the next few years, he started showing up in various comics published by Marvel.

I said "kinda" above because, as it turned out, Dr. Druid's stories in Weird Wonder Tales were actually reprints from the early '60s. How early? Earlier than Fantastic Four #1!

Dr. Druid was originally called Dr. Droom. He presumably underwent that 1976 name change to avoid confusion with Marvel's Doctor Doom. But they had to change a lot more about the good doctor, as you'll see.

Y'know, with all the necessary redrawing, re-lettering, and the like, I find it hard to believe that Marvel actually saved money by reprinting these stories instead of just commissioning brand-new stories featuring Dr. Druid, or even some other character. Just sayin'.

But why did they have to change so much, you may wonder. After all, ten years earlier, when Marvel had reprinted the old Simon & Kirby Captain America stories from the '40s, they didn't have to change much more than a few intense illustrations and a piece of dialog here and there, remember?

Well... Let me just present this brief sequence from the revamped origin of Dr. Droom Druid: 

Now, check out the original version of that above panel!

Wow! When the doctor acquired his mystic powers, he also turned Asian! Not too racist, huh? I'm really amazed that Stan Lee would have written such a thing as late as 1961. 1931, maybe...!

5) Almost done, I promise! This next little ITEM has nothing to do with comic books, so I probably shouldn't be talking about it here at all, but...

(Oh, wait. I actually got my copy of this LP at a comic book shop, so I guess I can get away with squeezing it in here!)

As I stated above, I actually own a copy, and its official name is "Country Surfin'," isn't that great? That's right, your favorite group and mine, Little Joe Shaver and Devil Dog, playing nothing but Beach Boys cover tunes, country style! Folks, I can't make this shit stuff up!

Believe me, you haven't lived until you've heard "I Get Around" played with banjos! 

"Let's go down to Nashville and catch a few waves, dude!"

6) Okay, last one, I promise! Here's a mid-1960s Supergirl tale -- sorry, no Streaky this time -- where Linda "Supergirl" Danvers plays the helpless female routine so her boyfriend, Dick Malverne, doesn't suspect she's Supergirl!

Yep, "just an ordinary member of the weaker sex." Shame on you, Supergirl!

And of course, her boyfriend eats it right up. "There, there! Don't be afraid, Linda! It's only a movie, you know!"

Well... Why do you think they called him "Dick?"

Thanks for your time.