Some People Believe Anything! (A "David'Z RantZ" Post)

I've been kinda busy lately, so I'm still working on my three-part article about the creators of Batman. So no "Comical Wednesday" entry this week! Hopefully Part One will post next Wednesday. Wish me luck.

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Ever hear the following joke?

A strikingly handsome young man walked into the office of a Hollywood agent with his resume and portfolio in hand. The agent reviewed the young man’s slim resume and small portfolio with the care that was deserving of his fine young specimen.

“You have the very obvious good looks and excellent demeanor of an actor. Tell me, have you had any roles that I might be aware of?”

“Other than the requisite high school and college plays, no sir,” said the handsome young man.

“I dare say I know the reason why, with a name like yours,” said the agent.

“Sir?”

“Your name. Penis Van Lesbian. That’s not a name that will go far in Hollywood. I’d love to represent you, but you’ll have to change your name.”

“Sir,” the handsome young man protested. “The Van Lesbian name was my father’s, my grandfather’s, and his father’s name. We have carried this name for generations and I will not change it for Hollywood or any other reason.”

“If you won’t change your name, I cannot represent you, young man.”

“Then I bid you farewell — my name will not change.”

With that, Penis Van Lesbian left the agent's office, never to return.

Five Years Later: The Hollywood agent returned to his office after lunch with some producers and shuffled through his mail. Mostly junk mail, trade journals and the like. There was one letter. He opened the envelope and removed the letter. As he unfolded the fine linen paper, a check dropped from the folds and onto his desk. He looked at the check. It was for 50,000 dollars! He read the letter:

Dear Sir: Several years ago, I entered your office determined to become an actor. You refused to represent me unless I changed my name. I objected, saying the Penis Van Lesbian name had been carried for generations, and left your office. However, upon leaving, I chanced to reconsider my hastiness and after considerable reflection, I decided to heed your advice and endeavored to change my name. Now I am a famous actor with many roles and known to millions worldwide.

Having achieved this fame and fortune, it is often that I think back to my meeting with you and your insistence that I change my name. I owe you a debt of gratitude, so please accept this check with my humble thanks, for it was your idea which has brought me to such wealth and fame.

Very Sincerely Yours,

Dick Van Dyke

Personally, I think it's a cute little joke, but a bit long for something with a punchline that's rather predictable and only mildly amusing.

But do you wanna hear something that's even funnier?

There are people who believe that this story is real.

I swear.

A few weeks ago, I was doing a Google search for a full version of this joke -- don't ask me why -- and I found a link to Snopes.com, a well-known website that confirms or debunks various rumors.

The Snopes article was entitled "Is 'Penis Van Lesbian' Dick Van Dyke's real name?" First, it related the entire joke, and then the article took up its very little remaining space saying that the rumor was not true, but was an obvious joke which, to some people, evidently, was not so obvious after all.

But my favorite part of the Snopes article said that the Penis Van Lesbian joke was repeated on a 1990 episode of David Letterman's show by none other than... Mary Tyler Moore.

By the way, you may have noticed that this post doesn't have any photos or illustrations. That's because I couldn't think of one that wouldn't spoil the joke for anyone who didn't see its punchline coming!

Thanks for your time.

Catching Up with the Celebrity Tributes

Well, finally I found time to do this post!

We're almost done with January, and it's been relatively free of celebrity deaths that meant much to me personally. However, this month has seen a handful that I'd like to mention here and now. Due to time limitations (my own), I'll keep my comments to a minimum.

1. Mary Tyler Moore, 1936-2017, R.I.P.

Well, this was a shock. Actress Mary Tyler Moore was a sitcom icon, after having appeared in not just one but two of what were arguably some of the best sitcoms of all time, The Dick Van Dyke Show and The Mary Tyler Moore Show. If this multiple Emmy winner had done nothing more than those two shows -- but she did quite a bit more -- she'd be memorable.

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2. Miguel Ferrer, 1955-2017, R.I.P.

I'd been aware of Miguel Ferrer, son of Jose Ferrer and Rosemary Clooney (and cousin of George Clooney), since I saw him in RoboCop... but of all his roles -- usually of the "tough guy" types -- I most enjoyed seeing him as the sarcastic and abrasive FBI agent, Albert Rosenfield in TV's Twin Peaks. Ferrer died of throat cancer at the age of 61. He reprised his role on Showtime's Twin Peaks revival, which will be aired in 2017.

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3. Dick Gautier, 1931-2017, R.I.P.

I was a fan of Dick Gautier's from the mid-sixties and on, from appearances on shows such as Get Smart and Mister Terrific. Later on I enjoyed him in Mel Brooks' TV sitcom, When Things Were Rotten, where Gautier played Robin Hood.

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4. Tommy Allsup, 1931-2017, R.I.P.

Allsup was touring with Buddy Holly in early 1959, and famously "lost" a coin toss with Ritchie Valens that kept Allsup off the plane that crashed, killing Holly, Valens, J.P. "The Big Bopper" Richardson, and pilot Roger Peterson.

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5. William Peter Blatty, 1928-2017, R.I.P.

Blatty was the author of 1971's The Exorcist, and its Academy Award-winning screenplay. This is a story that scared the living crap out of people, both in print and in the theaters. I've read the book and seen the movie, and enjoyed both.

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Thanks for your time.