Happy Candy Mooching Day... or Something!* (A "Short Shorts" Post)

(*Well, you've gotta admit, a lot of people nowadays concentrate on the candy-giving -- or candy-receiving -- aspect, rather than the day's original meaning! Just like some people do with Easter!)

Today's "Short Shorts" are partial reprints from three different blog posts of mine! Two from this here Foxyblog, and one from my old David'Z RantZ blog!

1. Can you guess who the person in the following photo is?

No, silly, not who the character is. That's obviously Frankenstein's Monster. But do you know who the actor is?

No?

Give up?

It's James Dean.

No, not the sausage guy. That's Jimmy Dean. This is James Dean, the "Rebel Without a Cause" James Dean.

And a brief story behind the photo can be found here. In fact, it's so brief that I could really just tell you myself, but the Frankensteinia blog is an absolute delight for fans of the famous Doctor Frankenstein's Creation, and I really don't want you to miss your chance to see it! Enjoy.

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2. The Gates of Hell have opened, fellow babies, and the writing is on the wall!

Along with the ghosts, ghouls, and goblins associated with Halloween trick-or-treaters, the truly terrible element of this Halloween season has already reared its ugly head.

And the saddest part of this whole situation is that it's involved a close friend of mine! This is a woman whom many of my readers know... and thus, a woman whose name I shall hereby change for the sake of gallantly protecting her reputation from being smeared by this potential scandal!

I'll just call her... ummm... "Petsy." [Modern-day note: She's alive and well, and still visits this blog on occasion, but when this bit was written a few years ago, "Petsy" often commented and was often mentioned... so most of my blog's readers knew exactly who she really was!]

"Petsy" (name cleverly changed to disguise her identity)

The other night, in the middle of an otherwise uneventful conversation, Petsy all-too-casually mentioned that, as we chatted (I'm sorry, I can hardly even say this!), she was eating... candy corn.

That's right, freakin' candy corn!

And, supposedly, liking it.

Yes, I said "supposedly." Come on. No one really likes this crap. (And that's not just my opinion, either. It's a fact. I could easily give you dozens of links to internet articles that could prove it, but... ummm... I'm not going to.)

"You know something, Petsy?" I began, "It's proof that I'm a true friend when I tell you that learning this about you will not affect our friendship."

"Are you for real? What on earth have you got against candy corn?"

"You mean, besides the fact that it's The Confection from Hell?"

"Cute, Silver. I didn't know you were so passionate about your hate for a candy you shouldn't even eat in the first place." (Betsy... I mean, Petsy... knows I'm diabetic.)

"It's not real candy. It's not even real food. No expiration date on the bag, I'll bet. I believe it's made from some polystyrene-based compound, like Styrofoam."

"Silver, it says it's made from real honey... like myself!"

"They lie... but you don't."

"They don't lie! It's right there in the ingredients list."

I shook my head. "Forged documents for verification. Same goes for if they do list an expiration date on it. They don't have to cuz it's not real food. Don't be so easily fooled, Betsy."

"That's Petsy."

"Sorry."

"Did you know that candy corn is the only candy in American history that has never been advertised?"

"They can't advertise it, for the same reason they can no longer advertise cigarettes. It's lethal."

She continued reading. " 'Each year Americans consume enough Brach's Candy Corn that if laid end-to-end, would circle the earth 4.25 times.' "

"What they don't tell you is how many more times you could circle the earth each year with the candy corn that people won't eat, the stuff the kids turn down at Halloween. The bowl goes into the closet, and you know what? They bring the same damned candy corn out the next year, and the year after that, and the year after that...!"

"Oh, good grief! What a silly reaction! It's not as if I said that I liked those horrible Circus Peanuts..."

Circus Peanuts

*sigh* I may have to write a Part Two to this post, fellow babies.

(Petsy's quotes in the above story are 100% accurate... or only about 60-70% accurate. I'll let you know which it is whenever I decide for myself.)

Thanks for your time.

P.S. -- I should add, I'm not totally unreasonable, and may someday be persuaded...

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3. Okay, fellow babies, here's a Halloween Quickie for you!

Ah, 'tis the season for all parents to go through their kiddies' Halloween loot to make sure there are no poisons, pins, or razor blades (as in the photo at the top of my post) embedded in the candy.

But you know something? I've seen people doing that since the early 1970s, and I think the paranoia is over-blown!

Read here and here, and see if you don't agree, at least a bit!

Okay, gotta run. I wanna post this, and there's someone knocking at my door...

A trick-or-treater? Don't be silly!

See? I told you I wasn't totally unreasonable!

Thanks for your time.

A Zero for Zorro!

One Last Stab at Halloween

Okay, fellow babies, here's a Halloween Quickie for you!

Ah, 'tis the season for all parents to go through their kiddies' Halloween loot to make sure there are no poisons, pins, or razor blades (as in the photo at the top of my post) embedded in the candy.

But you know something? I've seen people doing that since the early 1970s, and I think the paranoia is over-blown!

Read here and here, and see if you don't agree, at least a bit!

Okay, gotta run. I wanna post this, and there's someone knocking at my door...

A trick-or-treater? Don't be silly!

See? I told you I wasn't totally unreasonable!

Thanks for your time.

A Zero for Zorro!

Old Home Week -- Part One -- A "Theme Thursday" HALLOWEEN Post

"I see dead people," said Mark.

One really couldn't blame Jack for laughing at the cliché. He was still laughing when Mark continued, "I'm serious! The other night, I got a little visit from the ghost of a whiny, depressed guy in his mid-forties named Marty."

"Marty?"

"Or Matty. Something like that."

"It musta been a dream. Maybe somethin' you ate?"

"Stop being a jackass."

"It's Jack Mac, not Jack Ass."

"Why do I bother?" muttered Mark, walking away.

"Hey," Jack called after him, "How's the training coming?"

Mark stopped, and turned around. "Fine. I have to admit, you were right about my so-called 'talents' branching out with the proper..."

"Ta-daaaaa!" trumpeted a female voice. Jack and Mark both looked toward the doorway of Jack's study/library -- a room filled mostly with collectible comic books and magazines -- and saw Jack's daughter Shari, proudly displaying the home-made Halloween costume her daughter, Sierra, was wearing.

"Good Lord, honey, that's gruesome!" Jack said, enthusiastically... and approvingly.

"What is she?" asked Mark.

Jack shook his head disdainfully as Shari replied, "She's a zombie."

"She... She looks like a corpse!" said Mark.

Jack laughed. "No kidding. Zombies are dead, dummy!"

"Oh," said Mark. More dead people, he thought, making a mental note to revive the subject of his unnerving ghost sighting with Jack as soon as it was remotely convenient. Dealing with the matter at hand -- Sierra's costume -- Mark tried to conceal the fact that he thought the outfit was too macabre for a little girl who'd just turned three on October 20th. "Why is there fake blood all around her mouth... and on her chin... and on her dress?"

"Cuz zobbies eat peoples!" shouted Sierra gleefully.

"Okay, okay. Let's go trick-or-treating, baby!" Beaming with pride, Shari led her daughter away from the study.

"Speaking of costumes," said Jack, after closing the door, "Isn't it time you got into yours?"

"You didn't expect me to put it on here, did you? In front of your family?"

"Sure, why not? It's Halloween, ain't it?"

"Even so..."

"Look," Jack interrupted, "I gotta drive you to see Howard -- and his cameraman -- as soon as you're ready. So get ready. You sure as heck won't get to change once we're on the move."

Reluctantly, Mark nodded, carrying a large paper bag with him as he exited the study and headed toward Jack's bathroom.

* * * * *

Two towns away, local TV commentator and features reporter Howard Enz waits for his colleague-of-sorts, Karen Magarian, to arrive with the mobile TV crew from her own station, based about an hour's drive away in Boston, Massachusetts. Howard's wondering whether he should have given up his agreed-upon "exclusive," even for a friend.

* * * * *

In a far-away state, an inmate in a psychiatric hospital ambles toward the Community Room, never suspecting that the TV program he's about to view will literally change his life.

* * * * *

On the western coast of California, one day earlier, two Jews are in a bar... (And that's not the beginning of an ethnic joke!)

* * * * *

Finally, on Halloween, in yet another bar, much closer to Jack Mac and his friend Mark, a pair of casual acquaintances with the unlikely names of "Don" and "Phil" are watching a syndicated sitcom on a wide-screen TV... although both are wishing they didn't have to put up with the drunk in the far corner of the bar, playing the damned piano...

* * * * *

To Be Continued... This little teaser intro -- incredibly brief by my standards -- is the beginning of the first multi-part story I've done in quite a while. And if you've been reading this blog for a considerable length of time, most of the above characters will be more than familiar as this story progresses.

(To learn more about Jack Mac and Mark Arthur, click here, fellow babies!)

Thanks for your time.