(*Well, you've gotta admit, a lot of people nowadays concentrate on the candy-giving -- or candy-receiving -- aspect, rather than the day's original meaning! Just like some people do with Easter!)
Today's "Short Shorts" are partial reprints from three different blog posts of mine! Two from this here Foxyblog, and one from my old David'Z RantZ blog!
1. Can you guess who the person in the following photo is?
No, silly, not who the character is. That's obviously Frankenstein's Monster. But do you know who the actor is?
No?
Give up?
It's James Dean.
No, not the sausage guy. That's Jimmy Dean. This is James Dean, the "Rebel Without a Cause" James Dean.
And a brief story behind the photo can be found here. In fact, it's so brief that I could really just tell you myself, but the Frankensteinia blog is an absolute delight for fans of the famous Doctor Frankenstein's Creation, and I really don't want you to miss your chance to see it! Enjoy.
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2. The Gates of Hell have opened, fellow babies, and the writing is on the wall!
Along with the ghosts, ghouls, and goblins associated with Halloween trick-or-treaters, the truly terrible element of this Halloween season has already reared its ugly head.
And the saddest part of this whole situation is that it's involved a close friend of mine! This is a woman whom many of my readers know... and thus, a woman whose name I shall hereby change for the sake of gallantly protecting her reputation from being smeared by this potential scandal!
I'll just call her... ummm... "Petsy." [Modern-day note: She's alive and well, and still visits this blog on occasion, but when this bit was written a few years ago, "Petsy" often commented and was often mentioned... so most of my blog's readers knew exactly who she really was!]
"Petsy" (name cleverly changed to disguise her identity)
The other night, in the middle of an otherwise uneventful conversation, Petsy all-too-casually mentioned that, as we chatted (I'm sorry, I can hardly even say this!), she was eating... candy corn.
That's right, freakin' candy corn!
And, supposedly, liking it.
Yes, I said "supposedly." Come on. No one really likes this crap. (And that's not just my opinion, either. It's a fact. I could easily give you dozens of links to internet articles that could prove it, but... ummm... I'm not going to.)
"You know something, Petsy?" I began, "It's proof that I'm a true friend when I tell you that learning this about you will not affect our friendship."
"Are you for real? What on earth have you got against candy corn?"
"You mean, besides the fact that it's The Confection from Hell?"
"Cute, Silver. I didn't know you were so passionate about your hate for a candy you shouldn't even eat in the first place." (Betsy... I mean, Petsy... knows I'm diabetic.)
"It's not real candy. It's not even real food. No expiration date on the bag, I'll bet. I believe it's made from some polystyrene-based compound, like Styrofoam."
"Did you know that candy corn is the only candy in American history that has never been advertised?"
"It's not real candy. It's not even real food. No expiration date on the bag, I'll bet. I believe it's made from some polystyrene-based compound, like Styrofoam."
"Silver, it says it's made from real honey... like myself!"
"They lie... but you don't."
"They don't lie! It's right there in the ingredients list."
I shook my head. "Forged documents for verification. Same goes for if they do list an expiration date on it. They don't have to cuz it's not real food. Don't be so easily fooled, Betsy."
"That's Petsy."
"Sorry."
"They can't advertise it, for the same reason they can no longer advertise cigarettes. It's lethal."
She continued reading. " 'Each year Americans consume enough Brach's Candy Corn that if laid end-to-end, would circle the earth 4.25 times.' "
"What they don't tell you is how many more times you could circle the earth each year with the candy corn that people won't eat, the stuff the kids turn down at Halloween. The bowl goes into the closet, and you know what? They bring the same damned candy corn out the next year, and the year after that, and the year after that...!"
"Oh, good grief! What a silly reaction! It's not as if I said that I liked those horrible Circus Peanuts..."
Circus Peanuts
*sigh* I may have to write a Part Two to this post, fellow babies.
(Petsy's quotes in the above story are 100% accurate... or only about 60-70% accurate. I'll let you know which it is whenever I decide for myself.)
Thanks for your time.
P.S. -- I should add, I'm not totally unreasonable, and may someday be persuaded...
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3. Okay, fellow babies, here's a Halloween Quickie for you!
Ah, 'tis the season for all parents to go through their kiddies' Halloween loot to make sure there are no poisons, pins, or razor blades (as in the photo at the top of my post) embedded in the candy.
But you know something? I've seen people doing that since the early 1970s, and I think the paranoia is over-blown!
Okay, gotta run. I wanna post this, and there's someone knocking at my door...
A trick-or-treater? Don't be silly!
See? I told you I wasn't totally unreasonable!
A trick-or-treater? Don't be silly!
See? I told you I wasn't totally unreasonable!
Thanks for your time.
A Zero for Zorro!
