Nothing to Sneeze At (Originally Posted on April 14, 2010)

Sorry, NO "Comical Wednesday" entry this week, for various reasons. Instead, I'm recycling an old post from 2010.

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My Blogger-blogger friend Betsy -- the one who "immortalized" me in the acrostic printed below my blog posts -- writes a blog called My Five Men. (And if you're unfamiliar with it, don't be thrown off by the blog's title. It's not what you're thinking! She's a lady!) In a recent post, she included the following quote from the Guinness Book of World Records, on the subject of sneezing:

"The longest recorded sneezing fit is that of Donna Griffiths (UK). She began sneezing on January 13, 1981 and sneezed an estimated one million times in the first 365 days. Her first sneeze-free day came 978 days later on September 16, 1983."

Hm. I wonder. That entry -- Guinness's, not Betsy's quoting of same -- is a bit suspect. I've always heard that the Guinness people do everything possible to authenticate their entries. How the hell did they manage this one?

"Hi, is this the 'Guinness' bunch? Well, this is The Silver Fox."

"Not The Silver Fox?!? Oh, my! What an honor! All of us here at Guinness love your blog!"

"Thanks, I get that a lot. Anyway, I've been sneezing for 982 days in a row, and haven't stopped yet! I think my name should replace Donna Griffiths' name in your book."

"Oh, dear. We're so sorry, Mr. Fox, but we can't just take anyone's word on that... Even yours, I'm afraid. We have to verify everything!"

"Crap. Okay, good-bye."

So, how did Ms. Griffiths do it?

"Hi, Guinness? This is Donna Griffiths."

"Never heard of you."

"Of course not, silly! This is 1981, and blogging hasn't even been invented yet."

"What hasn't been invented yet? Plogging? Blarging? Speak up, will you?"

"Never mind! Anyway, I've been sneezing all blasted morning, and something tells me this could last for years! I think I could qualify as a candidate for sneezing champion -- or whatever you'd list me as -- in your book, whenever this spell finally ends."

"You may be right, Ms. Griffin!"

"Griffiths."

"Whatever. Well, look, we can't count your sneezes up until now, of course, but we're going to send a man... or a woman, if you prefer, depending on your home situation, whether you're married, single, and all that..."

"Of course."

"He or she will stay with you and document the number of your sneezes and the duration of this bout of sneezing, until you have a completely sneeze-free day."

"Wonderful! So, I should set an extra place for dinner, then?"

"Yes, of course. And... Do you have a spare room?"

"No, but I have a very comfortable couch."

"Well, that's a start. And do you allow smoking in your home, in case our representative is a smoker?"

"Sure. This is 1981. Who doesn't smoke?"

"Excellent. Would you mind holding while I get a secretary to iron out the finer details, and get your address, and so on?"

"Of course not. And thank you so much."

Update: It has been rumored that Donna Griffiths married the Guinness representative in 1986 (or maybe 1987), but since I wasn't able to authenticate that last bit, let's just pretend I didn't write it.

Thanks for your time. And thanks for the inspiration, Betsy!

Who [Reads] Short Shorts?

1. Equal Time for Mel Gibson?

Mel Gibson has been insulted by a lot of people over the last few years, myself included. And hey, has it really been over ten years since Mel's initial racist ramblings made the news? (Yep, it has been!)

I was reading an article about Liam Neeson the other day, and I learned that although the main role in Schindler's List was eventually played by Neeson, other actors who'd been interested in playing the part were Warren Beatty, Kevin Costner, and... Mel Gibson.

Mel-freakin'-Gibson? This is the dude who said “Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world,” innit?

Well, Mr. G blames his drinking problem for the words that came out of his mouth. And he did offer an apology to the Jewish people at the time, and roughly a year ago, in an interview with Variety, Mel said "Surely if I was really what they say I was, some kind of hater, there’d be evidence of actions somewhere. There never has been.”

In addition, there's this article, from earlier this year, which says that Gibson has been donating money to Holocaust survivors via  the Survivor Mitzvah Project.

So, what do you think? Has he paid his penance, as it were, or should we still consider him a bigoted s**thead whose Hollywood projects should be shunned?

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2. Seen on a Sign Outside of a Laundromat

"If a man says he'll fix something, he will. There's no need to remind him about it every six months."

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3. Every. Single. Time.

Remember what I said about Twitter not long ago? Well, the following is from a recent article on the Fox News site about Stephen King's little "war" with Donald Trump:

"Donald Trump blocked me on Twitter. I am hereby blocking him from seeing "It" or "Mr. Mercedes." No clowns for you, Donald. Go float yourself," King wrote.

 Follow

Stephen King 

✔@StephenKing

Donald Trump blocked me on Twitter. I am hereby blocking him from seeing IT or MR. MERCEDES. No clowns for you, Donald. Go float yourself.

9:55 PM - Aug 24, 2017

•  10,57110,571 Replies
 
•  154,159154,159 Retweets
 
•  483,358483,358 likes

Twitter Ads info and privacy

The film about children facing an evil clown opens in September.

See? I toldja! They repeat the tweet in its entirety, right after quoting it!

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4. Trump's North Korea Quote?

Speaking of Trump...

Recently, newspapers in America and all over the world were reporting that President Donald Trump had released a message after North Korea fired a ballistic missile over Japan, saying "The world has received North Korea’s latest message loud and clear: this regime has signaled its contempt for its neighbors, for all members of the United Nations, and for minimum standards of acceptable international behavior." This was the statement released by the White House, which went on to say that "Threatening and destabilizing actions only increase the North Korean regime’s isolation in the region and among all nations of the world. All options are on the table."

Yeah, well, somebody at the White House wrote and released that message, that's for sure, but that is not the way President Trump speaks. Trump's statements are usually full of redundancies, and devoid of anything suggesting that the man has an extensive vocabulary. And whatever he is in favor of is usually "wonderful" or "terrific."

For example, not long ago, Trump said this about Kim Jong-un: “I respect the fact that I believe he is starting to respect us. I respect that fact very much.”

Trump to Ben Carson about the name "Harvey": "Sounds like such an innocent name, Ben, right? But it's not innocent. It's not innocent."

And talking about the clean-up during and after Harvey, he said “We won’t say congratulations. We don’t wanna congratulate. We’ll congratulate each other when it’s all finished, but you have been terrific.”

*sigh*

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5. So, What Are They Saying?

I was in a department store a couple of weeks ago and saw a man wearing a shirt that looked a lot like this:

There's a lot of talk here in the USA lately, debating the issue of whether or not depictions of the Confederate flag or items related to the Confederacy are only supported by racists. I must admit that my sentiments are kind of torn. I absolutely despise racism in all its forms, but on the other hand, I really, really want to believe in the sincerity of those proud Southerners who claim that the rebel flag stands for "heritage, not hatred."

And yet... and yet...

I see someone walking around wearing a shirt like that, or displaying the Confederate flag, and I have to wonder if he or she is a bigot...

Especially when shirts like the one shown above are being worn by someone in my home state of Massachusetts, as the one I saw the other day was.

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6.  A New Direction?

A few months ago I said that I was debating ending this blog. Well, I've finally been getting lots of ideas for it, so it definitely won't be discontinued anytime soon.

Having said that, I may be slightly changing my blog's focus. It seems that most -- but certainly not all -- of my current crop of readers are close to my own age (I'll turn sixty-one next November, believe it or not!), plus or minus a handful of years. So in recognition of that fact, I'll probably be gearing more posts toward people in their fifties and sixties. Different things I grew up with and the like. You'll see. It's just a minor transition, the kind of thing I've seen happen to other blogs. (For example, my friend Betsy's blog, My Five Men, used to contain quite a few acrostic poems for her weekly entries to the gone-but-not-forgotten "Theme Thursday" posts. Now it's eight or nine years later, and she showcases a lot of her own photos, reflecting the fact that she's become quite a good photographer.)

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7. A Grammar Nazi Tid-Bit

By the way, folks, the word is "intact," not "in tact." One word, got it? Unfortunately, I know of a blog written by a successful pro sitcom writer who does that. He also refers to the '50s as the 50's. Maybe it doesn't matter as much if your audience is hearing your words and not reading them?

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Thanks for your time!

The "Mystery" Solved!

And the winners are... Betsy, of the My Five Men blog, and my friend and writing partner, Skip Simpson, of the seldom-updated Life with Skip!


Ladies first, so we'll begin with Betsy's answers to the questions originally asked in this post:

OK, I'm taking a stab at this. :)

A. The photo is of Clayton Moore.

B. The film is The Ghost of Zorro

3. Three role models would be Zorro, Orson Welles, and the Lone Ranger.

D. The connections would be that Clayton Moore was the actor who played The Lone Ranger (tv series.) And in the photo, he ironically is playing another one of your favorites, Zorro.


And now, here are excerpts from Skip's comments!

Okay.


1. Clayton Moore
2. The Ghost of Zorro
3. The Lone Ranger, Zorro, The Green Hornet
4. Britt Reid (The Green Hornet) was the Lone Ranger's great nephew... or something... And the Lone Ranger and The Green Hornet were both created by George Trendle. During one radio show of The Green Hornet, they even played a few bars of The Lone Ranger Theme (The William Tell Overture.) Shall I go on? Clayton Moore in the 70's was prohibited from wearing his mask in public because they were coming out with a movie starring the ever popular Klinton Spilsbury. He [Moore] wound up wearing sunglasses at autograph signings.

So, how did they do, all told? See for yourself!

Official Mystery Photo Answers 

(a) Name the actor: Clayton Moore.

(b) Name the film which supplied the mystery photo photo: The Ghost of Zorro (1949).

(3) List my three professed role models from my childhood: Zorro, The Lone Ranger, and Batman. (Betsy missed one. Orson Welles is an idol of sorts -- I even named my cat after him -- but not a childhood role model. Still... Not bad, Betsy, not bad at all! And Skip is well aware that I'm a big fan of The Green Hornet as well, but I didn't become aware of him -- the Hornet, not Skip -- until I saw the 1967 TV series starring Van Williams and Bruce Lee... and my role models influenced me at a much younger age.)

(d) Tell me how this connects to two of those role models: Clayton Moore therefore played two of my three role models, just as Betsy said. (In fact, it was after seeing him in the role of Zorro that the producers of the proposed Lone Ranger TV show cast Mr. Moore as TLR!) However, Skip is right in saying that the Green Hornet's secret identity, Britt Reid, was the great-nephew of TLR!

So, it seems that The Lone Ranger and Zorro have all sorts of connections. But other than the "mask" thing (and my inclusion of him as a childhood role model), what does that old, "forgotten" Batman have in common with the two? I mean, even The Green Hornet has more in common with them, right?


Yeah, what about "that old, forgotten Batman?"

"That old, forgotten Batman..."

Well, I can't think of any really good comparisons between Batman and The Lone Ranger (other than the fact that they both had "sidekicks" of a sort), but as for ol' Bats and Zorro? They are inextricably linked!

And no, weird crap like this doesn't count!

One of the primary inspirations for Batman -- who debuted in 1939 -- was the Douglas Fairbanks film The Mark of Zorro (that's the 1920 version, fellow babies) And a few times, the various writers and artists have acknowledged this fact, notably here:

And here:

Notice, if you will, that this time, young Bruce Wayne was depicted as having seen the 1940 version, starring Tyrone Power.

So don't fret over Batman's worthiness to be standing with the other two, okay?

By the way, here's a shot of The Green Hornet and Kato... just because I can.

And now... back to Clayton Moore, whom I had the pleasure of meeting on my 29th birthday in 1985. (Best. Present. Ever.) I congratulated Mr. Moore on "getting [his] mask back," because by then, the producers of the disastrous 1981 The Legend of the Lone Ranger movie had allowed him to appear once again in full TLR costume, so he could leave the Foster Grants behind.

According to an article from this website...

Clayton says that he would have liked to end his career as The Lone Ranger by appearing in one final show or movie.

The scenario, as described by Clayton in his book I Was That Masked Man, is that, following the death of Tonto, the now elderly ranger would find a young man bordering between good and bad. He takes the young man under his wing and trains him. After the training is completed, and with his back to the camera, Clayton takes off his mask and hands it to the "new" Lone Ranger. Clayton would then climb up on his horse and slowly ride off into the sunset.


Yeah, I would have liked to have seen that myself.

Clayton Moore, The Lone Ranger, 1914-1999, R.I.P.


Thanks for your time.

Bird, Incognito (A "Twitter for Gentlefolk" Post)

(Note for readers of my next post: Now this kind of "p.c.," I like!)

Continuing the relatively new "Twitter for Gentlefolk" tradition recently announced by that troublemaker fine fellow Alan Burnett of News from Nowhere fame, my friend Betsy (author of the My Five Men blog) and myself decided to do a "postcard swap." And rather than choosing an appropriate card for me, Betsy decided to create one. The outstanding result is shown above, and the "text side" follows:

In case you can't read that, it says:

Hi, Silver!

Since you love all things masks, capes, and superheros, I thought I'd sketch you a superhero-looking bird! This is a Cedar Waxwing. They love to eat my crabapples! Their name comes from the red waxy drips that form on the tips of their wing feathers. [Looks more like blood to The Silver Fox's eyes, but that's just me, I'm a different kinda cat!] Pretty cool, huh? Although to Orson, I'm sure he just looks like dinner! [For those of you who don't really pay attention when you read my blog, Orson is my cat!]

Betsy

Once a week, Betsy treats her readers to a new sketch or other creative work on her blog. More commenters than I can count have suggested to her that she utilize her underrated (by Betsy herself, that is) talents to illustrate greeting cards, children's books, or something similar.

Well, Betsy, The Silver Fox hereby issues a very public challenge: I'll write a children's book, if you'll illustrate it. It should be a lot less intimidating than your trying to write that proposed autobiography people keep nagging urging you to do, right?

After all, it's not like Skip Simpson has me signed to an exclusive collaborative writing contract, ya know?

(Can't wait for the private email about the above!)

Thanks for your time.

Worthy of Note

I only post birthday greetings when they occur to me, whether said "greeting" is to a celebrity (living or dead), or a friend and/or fellow blogger. And if you've ever gotten one, it's probably the only one you'll ever get. Just sayin'.

Having said that...

Today (the 21st) I'd like to send out my best b'day wishes to one of the dearest friends I've ever made on the internet, the woman responsible for the My Five Men blog, a site with an eclectic mix of topics -- serious, humorous, and informative -- depending on her whims.

(Yeah, Betsy, I'm talkin' 'bout you!)

I'm not going to post an actual photo of her (although obtaining one would be remarkably easy, especially for the ol' Fox), nor am I going to list the many reasons why I think she's so remarkable, to save her just a tiny bit of embarrassment ...

But if she thinks I'd let her birthday go by without even a mention, she's nuts!

(And by the way, if you follow her blog with any regularity, you can probably guess what the two photos which I have included have to do with her, and her blog.)

Happy birthday, doll.

Aw, heck... I was going to end there, but I'll take the liberty of adding something else... and since the owners of "Happy Birthday to You" are very litigious when someone uses their lyrics & melody without financially compensating them, I will instead present Betsy with "The Happy Birthday Conga!" (Everybody join in, now!)

Happy, happy, BIRTH-day!

Happy, happy, BIRTH-day!

Happy, happy, BIRTH-day!

Happy, happy, BIRTH-day!

Happy, happy, BIRTH-day!

Happy, happy, BIRTH-day!

Happy, happy, BIRTH-day!

[repeat and fade]

And now, to the rest of you... Thanks for your time, and indulgence.

Early, or Late?

It was only a couple of posts ago that I quoted from myself on the subject of procrastination: "The only thing that cannot successfully be put off until a later time is procrastination."

Those of you who know me know that the above quote refers to people like myself, so you may wonder if the YouTube video I've embedded this time around is something I'd originally planned for about five months ago!

But it's not.

The latest post by my dear friend Betsy, the author of the My Five Men blog, contains a video which actually reminded me of the one below, one which -- IIRC -- was originally sent to me by my friend John.

To see -- well, "hear," actually -- the connection I speak of, of course, you'll have to read her post as well. I was going to place "her" video here to save you some time, but I didn't want anyone to think I was trying to... ummm... steal her thunder. There's a horrible pun in that last sentence, by the way, but to "get" it, you'll have to -- you guessed it -- go see Betsy's post! But please, do so. It's worth it. (Always is.) And it doesn't matter whether you finish this post before or after visiting Betsy's blog. The two videos aren't dependent on one another; there's just a neat connection, that's all.

Okay, I'll shut up now.

Thanks for the inspiration, Betsy! And to everyone else: Thanks for your time.

Nothing to Sneeze At

My Blogger-blogger friend Betsy -- the one who "immortalized" me in the acrostic printed below my blog posts -- writes a blog called My Five Men. (And if you're unfamiliar with it, don't be thrown off by the blog's title. It's not what you're thinking! She's a lady!) In a recent post, she included the following quote from the Guinness Book of World Records, on the subject of sneezing:

"The longest recorded sneezing fit is that of Donna Griffiths (UK). She began sneezing on January 13, 1981 and sneezed an estimated one million times in the first 365 days. Her first sneeze-free day came 978 days later on September 16, 1983."

Hm. I wonder. That entry -- Guinness's, not Betsy's quoting of same -- is a bit suspect. I've always heard that the Guinness people do everything possible to authenticate their entries. How the hell did they manage this one?

"Hi, is this the 'Guinness' bunch? Well, this is The Silver Fox."

"Not The Silver Fox?!? Oh, my! What an honor! All of us here at Guinness love your blogs!"

"Thanks, I get that a lot. Anyway, I've been sneezing for 982 days in a row, and haven't stopped yet! I think my name should replace Donna Griffiths' name in your book."

"Oh, dear. We're so sorry, Mr. Fox, but we can't just take anyone's word on that... Even yours, I'm afraid. We have to verify everything!"

"Crap. Okay, good-bye."

So, how did Ms. Griffiths do it?

"Hi, Guinness? This is Donna Griffiths."

"Never heard of you."

"Of course not, silly! This is 1981, and blogging hasn't even been invented yet."

"What hasn't been invented yet? Plogging? Blarging? Speak up, will you?"

"Never mind! Anyway, I've been sneezing all blasted morning, and something tells me this could last for years! I think I could qualify as a candidate for sneezing champion -- or whatever you'd list me as -- in your book, whenever this spell finally ends."

"You may be right, Ms. Griffin!"

"Griffiths."

"Whatever. Well, look, we can't count your sneezes up until now, of course, but we're going to send a man... or a woman, if you prefer, depending on your home situation, whether you're married, single, and all that..."

"Of course."

"He or she will stay with you and document the number of your sneezes and the duration of this bout of sneezing, until you have a completely sneeze-free day."

"Wonderful! So, I should set an extra place for dinner, then?"

"Yes, of course. And... Do you have a spare room?"

"No, but I have a very comfortable couch."

"Well, that's a start. And do you allow smoking in your home, in case our representative is a smoker?"

"Sure. This is 1981. Who doesn't smoke?"

"Excellent. Would you mind holding while I get a secretary to iron out the finer details, and get your address, and so on?"

"Of course not. And thank you so much."

Update: It has been rumored that Donna Griffiths married the Guinness representative in 1986 (or maybe 1987), but since I wasn't able to authenticate that last bit, let's just pretend I didn't write it.

Thanks for your time. And thanks for the inspiration, Betsy!

FYI, Fellow Babies

To begin with, here's some necessary but probably not too interesting information for y'all:

For the past week, I've been experiencing various types of pain in my left arm and shoulder, along with some numbness on the edge of my left hand, from my little finger to slightly beyond my wrist. This has made blogging a real chore, not to mention a pain in the... arm.

And for those who say "Uh-oh, left arm? That's a heart attack warning!"... calm down. please. Someone with my medical history is well aware of that, and these weren't "those kinds" of pain.

Besides, it's been over a week. I would have had the freakin' heart attack by now.

At first, I was thinking carpal tunnel syndrome, or perhaps a pinched nerve, or even thoracic outlet syndrome (and you can thank the internet search I did for the inclusion of that third one). And since my medical degree is non-existent, I did the sensible thing for a change, and made an appointment with my doctor.

He decided I have three different things going on, as follows:

1. Rotator cuff tendonitis... or tendinitis, depending on your preferred spelling. (I prefer "tendonitis," cuz thar ain't no sech thang as a "tendin." But that's just me.) That means that my recent replacement of my computer chair was causing me to look down too much, causing an unnatural bend of my neck. I have since corrected that problem.

2. Ulnar neuritis. This problem with my ulnar nerve, colloquially known as the "funny bone," is causing the numbness I mentioned. Also, it causes occasional, intense pain all along my arm. Try to think of Derek Jeter hitting your so-called "funny bone" with a baseball bat.

3. My doctor added that my trapezius muscles are "tight." I think this means that I can give up hopes of someday running away from home and joining the circus.

What this means for you, fellow babies -- and Lord knows, I feel like such an effin' wimp for even mentioning all of this after yesterday's post! -- is that there will be a lot less blogging from Ye Olde Silver Fox while these ailments are correcting themselves. Unlike internet porn addicts, I'm not really good at typing with one hand, y'see...

I'm signed up to contribute to tomorrow's Sepia Saturday entries, and I should manage that entry well enough, but after that... I dunno. And I'm still struggling -- typing-wise, not creatively -- with my share of the "duties" on the Simpson/Lynch Studios: Pleasantview site.

Oh, crap. The arm's acting up again, and I'm just getting to the lighter side of this post. See how I sacrifice for my loyal readers?

(Pay me.)

In my life, I have been flattered by being the occasional inspiration for others to write things -- usually poems -- expressly with me in mind. The last time such was done publicly was when "Dreamhaven" of the Tangled Webs blog posted a poem which was about me, although not specifically labelled as such.

Well, Thursday night, I received yet another compliment when Betsy of My Five Men fame sent the following acrostic to me:

Decades of comic books he has collected.

Articles, poems, and tales he has written. A

Very nice rock-n-roll voice...

In fact, you'd bet your bottom

Dollar it was

Meatloaf!

Loves Rom's Pizza. Not as icy as

You may think...'cause when he's

Not ranting or

Cracking a joke, you may get a glimpse of his big, soft

Heart!

To say I was impressed would be putting it mildly. Betsy certainly did her research, too, and I know where she got some of that lesser-known stuff. That'll teach me to be late with the hush money I send Skip Simpson each month so he'll keep his big flappin' mouth shut!

Due to her acrostic's construction, it wouldn't fit comfortably in my sidebar on the left -- the effect would be lost, pretty much -- so I've opted instead to place it at the top of the stuff I place immediately after the post or posts you see when you view this page... if that makes any sense. Scroll down, and you'll see what I mean.

Thanks, Betsy!

Now I'm going to post this and go medicate myself.

Thanks for your time.