(*Well, you've gotta admit, a lot of people nowadays concentrate on the candy-giving -- or candy-receiving -- aspect, rather than the day's original meaning! Just like some people do with Easter!)
Today's "Short Shorts" are partial reprints from three different blog posts of mine! Two from this here Foxyblog, and one from my old David'Z RantZ blog!
1. Can you guess who the person in the following photo is?
No, silly, not who the character is. That's obviously Frankenstein's Monster. But do you know who the actor is?
No?
Give up?
It's James Dean.
No, not the sausage guy. That's Jimmy Dean. This is James Dean, the "Rebel Without a Cause" James Dean.
And a brief story behind the photo can be found here. In fact, it's so brief that I could really just tell you myself, but the Frankensteinia blog is an absolute delight for fans of the famous Doctor Frankenstein's Creation, and I really don't want you to miss your chance to see it! Enjoy.
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2. The Gates of Hell have opened, fellow babies, and the writing is on the wall!
Along with the ghosts, ghouls, and goblins associated with Halloween trick-or-treaters, the truly terrible element of this Halloween season has already reared its ugly head.
And the saddest part of this whole situation is that it's involved a close friend of mine! This is a woman whom many of my readers know... and thus, a woman whose name I shall hereby change for the sake of gallantly protecting her reputation from being smeared by this potential scandal!
I'll just call her... ummm... "Petsy." [Modern-day note: She's alive and well, and still visits this blog on occasion, but when this bit was written a few years ago, "Petsy" often commented and was often mentioned... so most of my blog's readers knew exactly who she really was!]
"Petsy" (name cleverly changed to disguise her identity)
The other night, in the middle of an otherwise uneventful conversation, Petsy all-too-casually mentioned that, as we chatted (I'm sorry, I can hardly even say this!), she was eating... candy corn.
That's right, freakin' candy corn!
And, supposedly, liking it.
Yes, I said "supposedly." Come on. No one really likes this crap. (And that's not just my opinion, either. It's a fact. I could easily give you dozens of links to internet articles that could prove it, but... ummm... I'm not going to.)
"You know something, Petsy?" I began, "It's proof that I'm a true friend when I tell you that learning this about you will not affect our friendship."
"Are you for real? What on earth have you got against candy corn?"
"You mean, besides the fact that it's The Confection from Hell?"
"Cute, Silver. I didn't know you were so passionate about your hate for a candy you shouldn't even eat in the first place." (Betsy... I mean, Petsy... knows I'm diabetic.)
"It's not real candy. It's not even real food. No expiration date on the bag, I'll bet. I believe it's made from some polystyrene-based compound, like Styrofoam."
"Did you know that candy corn is the only candy in American history that has never been advertised?"
"It's not real candy. It's not even real food. No expiration date on the bag, I'll bet. I believe it's made from some polystyrene-based compound, like Styrofoam."
"Silver, it says it's made from real honey... like myself!"
"They lie... but you don't."
"They don't lie! It's right there in the ingredients list."
I shook my head. "Forged documents for verification. Same goes for if they do list an expiration date on it. They don't have to cuz it's not real food. Don't be so easily fooled, Betsy."
"That's Petsy."
"Sorry."
"They can't advertise it, for the same reason they can no longer advertise cigarettes. It's lethal."
She continued reading. " 'Each year Americans consume enough Brach's Candy Corn that if laid end-to-end, would circle the earth 4.25 times.' "
"What they don't tell you is how many more times you could circle the earth each year with the candy corn that people won't eat, the stuff the kids turn down at Halloween. The bowl goes into the closet, and you know what? They bring the same damned candy corn out the next year, and the year after that, and the year after that...!"
"Oh, good grief! What a silly reaction! It's not as if I said that I liked those horrible Circus Peanuts..."
Circus Peanuts
*sigh* I may have to write a Part Two to this post, fellow babies.
(Petsy's quotes in the above story are 100% accurate... or only about 60-70% accurate. I'll let you know which it is whenever I decide for myself.)
Thanks for your time.
P.S. -- I should add, I'm not totally unreasonable, and may someday be persuaded...
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3. Okay, fellow babies, here's a Halloween Quickie for you!
Ah, 'tis the season for all parents to go through their kiddies' Halloween loot to make sure there are no poisons, pins, or razor blades (as in the photo at the top of my post) embedded in the candy.
But you know something? I've seen people doing that since the early 1970s, and I think the paranoia is over-blown!
Okay, gotta run. I wanna post this, and there's someone knocking at my door...
A trick-or-treater? Don't be silly!
See? I told you I wasn't totally unreasonable!
A trick-or-treater? Don't be silly!
See? I told you I wasn't totally unreasonable!
Thanks for your time.
A Zero for Zorro!
If she comes a knocking, well, umm everything that rhymes sounds rather dirty.
ReplyDeleteBlah to that nasty stuff. It is like Styrofoam. Many dogs won't even touch the stuff and they eat poop. That's saying something. Betsy...umm...Petsy must have dulled taste buds in her old age lol
Ha. Great comment, Pat! "Many dogs won't even touch the stuff and they eat poop," "everything that rhymes sounds rather dirty..."
DeleteHmmmm... Not a real holiday? It depends on who you are and how you celebrate it. Christians in the liturgical traditions (Catholics, and some Lutherans and Episcopalians/Anglicans) celebrate All Saints and All Souls days, and of course in Mexico celebrate Dia del los Muertos, both holidays dedicated to remembering those who have passed on. And of course modern Pagans like me celebrate Samhain, which the previously-mentioned holidays are "Christianizations" of. Samhain is also a celebration of those who have passed on, as well as a celebration of the last harvest (hence all those apples and of course CIDER!), and a celebration of the glorious colors of Autumn, as the holiday falls right in the middle of the season and is usually the time of peak leaf color. So yes, some of us really do celebrate this holiday in its original sense of holy day.
ReplyDeleteYou're right, of course. I was referring to those who consider the day as a day for nothing more than getting candy. (I have a friend who "celebrates" Easter the same way.) But as you said, there are still people (like yourself) who celebrate it for the traditional reasons, so I'm going to re-phrase that opening comment. Thanks!
DeleteI have a friend who absolutely loves candy corn, and I can't believe she's sincere about it. She talks about trying to not buy it right away when it's available because she goes through so many bags, one after another. Ick! The only thing those are good for is making fake teeth for a photo. I've always considered them the love child of white sugar and candle wax.
ReplyDeleteOops! Hit ENTER too soon. I really liked the Frankenstein site and shared it with my oldest, who loved Shelley's book. The last black & white you featured cracks me up—from Chick Tracts. Our sons were given those one year at a Christian camp and brought them home for all of us to laugh about. We're evangelical Christians but can't believe some of the stuff people not only believe, but actively promote, to scare others into believing what they do. Chick Tracts in particular are mean-spirited, condescending, and more often than not filled with outright lies and made-up information to prove their point (the one on Dungeons and Dragons is a particular favorite of mine to show people who don't think they're "that bad"). Thanks for the laugh!
Delete"I've always considered them the love child of white sugar and candle wax." I still have a few days left to use that line on friends!
DeleteI agree that the Chick Tracts go wayyyy overboard. Their basic philosophy seems to be "If you don't believe exactly what we do, you're going to Hell!" Rock'n'roll is Satanic, Catholics are evil, etc. "Uhhh, guys? Lighten the f*** up!"
hahahahah exactly. We should pelt them with candy corn.
DeletePetsy is a risky gal. As for me, if it's not wrapped (and candy corn is not), I won't partake.
ReplyDeleteA ghoulish, safe, fun week to you.
If it's not wrapped, you won't partake? Hmm. Why does that sound so suggestive to me?
DeleteI would have never guessed that was James Dean. I have a confession. I like those little candy pumpkins..haha..I only eat a few as they really have too much sugar.
ReplyDeleteHave a Happy Halloween Silver!
It's not my favorite day as the veil is very thin between the worlds.
I like "those little candy pumpkins" although I haven't eaten one in a long time. If I remember correctly, the stem at the top tasted better than the rest of it!
DeleteI remember this post about Betsy!
ReplyDeleteReally Im not in Halloween mood, But Im thinking in Christmas !
I'm thinking of Christmas, too. I'm thinking that Christmas is coming far too soon!
DeleteI love Christmas David :)
DeleteMe, too. But I'd love it even more if it wasn't going to be here so soon.
DeleteCandy or hard sweets aren't my thing, just majorly into attacks of chocolate. And I'm one of those hopeless people who use all festivals of all/any faith(s) to tuck in guiltfree. Then regret it later.
ReplyDeleteIn my culture we have a similar day of remembrance for the dead - the night before Diwali, fourteen lamps are lit for the ancestors who've passed on. Happy Halloween to you.
I'm diabetic, so I shouldn't eat candy at all, but I do a lot of things that are bad for me anyway, so sometimes, I indulge.
Delete