Saturday, September 22, 2018

Chivalrous or Sexist?

A sixteenth century illustration with a caption that misspells Sir Walter Raleigh's name! I guess
misspellings were around a long time before internet memes (not that I'm really surprised by that)!

The other day, I read an article about "benevolent sexism." In case you're unfamiliar with the term (as I was), the opening of the article I've linked to should give you a pretty good idea of what it is. The article begins with "If a man offers to help a woman with her heavy suitcase or to parallel park her car, what should she make of the offer? Is it an innocuous act of courtesy? Or is it a sexist insult to her strength and competence?"

Well, fellow babies, what do you think?

I don't think of myself as a sexist. Having said that, how many sexists out there do think of themselves as sexist? But I thought very seriously about this for a couple of minutes. When I take a woman to dinner, even if she's a friend and not a "date," I usually pay for both of us. When I'm with a woman and we're entering or leaving a building, I hold the door open and let her walk in or out first.

Am I guilty of benevolent sexism? Or am I being chivalrous? Or, for that matter, is what we call "chivalry" just an archaic term for sexism?

Ten years ago, on my old David'Z RantZ blog, I made some references to Sarah Palin, then running for Vice President. I made some facetiously sexist comments calling her a "babe" and added (not so facetiously) that I didn't plan to vote for her, primarily due to what I perceived as her inexperience.

A first-time commenter named "Julie" said "So you are saying that you won't vote for her because she's a woman and can't do the job?"

Well... no. I hadn't said that at all, nor even implied that. In fact, back in 1984, I had voted for Walter Mondale, who had a woman as his running mate.

Anyway, I thought about whether I am guilty of being benevolently sexist.

I mentioned holding a door for a woman and letting her go through it first. Well, in all fairness to me, if I'm going through a doorway and a man is behind me, I'll hold the door for him, at least as long as it takes for him to grab it and hold it for himself. The only real difference there seems to be that I let the woman go first, but the man can follow me and I don't care.

I don't hold a door because I think the woman (or the man) can't open that door without me.

If I see a woman struggling with some heavy packages, I tend to offer to carry them for her. I just think of that as being polite. And again, in all fairness to me, as I get older and weaker I make that offer less often. If you're a woman who's twenty, or thirty, I'm now two or three times your age. Carry your own load. In fact, could you help me carry mine?

If I see a man struggling with carrying something, or needing help of some other kind, I will usually help him. Gender has nothing to do with it.

Once again, I just see that as being polite. And if you want to interpret some of the polite things I do as sexist because, on a case-by-case basis, many of these things are done for women... well... go ahead.

I can live with that.

By the way, "Julie" (whom I suspected was actually a regular male reader of David'Z RantZ who didn't like my seldom-stated political views and was using a female alias to give me static about them) visited my blog for a few more weeks, always calling me insulting things like "sexist bastard." Finally, a few of my readers (male and female) told Julie to get lost, and she (or he) did.

Thanks for your time.

18 comments:

  1. I don't know you well enough to say that your sexist or not. But I will say that your use of the Raleigh meme is a bad example; his famous deed of laying his cloak over the mud puddle for the Queen to walk over was neither sexist nor chivalrous, it was the act of a courtier jostling for power among the others by currying favor with the reigning monarch.

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    1. Egad! you're, not your. It's late!

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    2. Wellll, even if Raleigh's motives were suspect, one can argue that the act itself was chivalrous, regardless of the reason. But personally, I don't think the incident really happened in the first place. Kind of like George Washington chopping down a cherry tree, or throwing a silver dollar across the Potomac. For one thing, a true US "silver dollar" wasn't even minted until 1794, and by that point, I doubt the old man would have even had the strength to throw a dollar that far. Heh.

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  2. Well I can't say I've ever parallel parked for a woman. Who has time to do that? They'd have to get out in the middle of the road and ask you, if you were walking by, to park it and by that time traffic would be piling up behind them leaving no room for them to back up. Who comes up with these stupid examples? Or are they both in the car and then she shimmies over you while you go under her? Then oops, still cars backed up behind you. Thought about that too much maybe lol

    I've held the door for women, men, cats, and dogs. Thinking about it, I have let women go first far more than men, but meh, if someone does like that, they can pound sand. And shutting the door when they are three feet away is just an a-hole thing to do.


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    1. Actually, although I have never (and would never) offered to park a car for a woman because "she's just a girl, and needs a man to do things for her," my friend Laura used to have me park her car for her whenever we went to New York City. And neither one of us "shimmied," haha. She put the car in "park" and we both got out, then I got in on the driver's side and moved the car!

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  3. hmm, I wish someone would parallel park for me as I do a crappy job of it. (laughing just thinking about it)

    I think the key word here is "polite" helping someone is not sexist. It is an act of kindness. Just my thought..I rather like it when a man holds the door for me and just for the record I've held the door for men and women.

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    1. Well, True, if we're ever traveling together and we have to stop and park, I'll gladly park it for you. But you'll have to ask me first. I won't offer! Ha.

      As far as holding the door for people behind you, you wanna know what really pisses me off? When the person behind me (whom I'm holding the door open for) scoots around me, leaving me holding the door for the next person, as well! One of my earliest blog posts was about that! (http://davidzrantz.blogspot.com/2008/05/open-door-richard.html)

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    2. Ha I will be sure to ask (politely)should the situation manifest.

      I will check out the link later.

      Have you ever been to The Big E?

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    3. Never been to the Big E. There isn't much that can make me travel toward Springfield. Not since the '80s, anyway.

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    4. lol What was going on in the 80’s!

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    5. Nothing, really. That's just the last time I was there for any reason at all.

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  4. I don't think you sound sexist at all; you sound like a gentleman. But then again, my husband and sons hold doors open for people all the time (male or female) and my daughter has adopted the practice as well. There's nothing wrong with politeness, and I get so irked at people who assume someone's offer of kindness implies that the other person sees them as deficient in some way.

    My only peeve when opening a door is when I'm trying to exit somewhere and the person outside pushes past me to go in, not allowing me to use the door I am trying to open for myself.

    Stay polite, David. Stay kind, and stay chivalrous. And hopefully someone will do the same for you when you need to be on the receiving end.

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    1. Actually, I'm getting to the age now where people hold doors for me, or do other things to help me!

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  5. Really honestly never think is someone is sexist or not, only I know when some things of a person I dont like, is all.
    But this .. I dont think any man make this now and sure the women would think is strange!

    Im really independent in all.

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    1. I've been around intelligent, independent women all my life. I know some women who play the "helpless female" routine to get their way or get things given to them, and it offends me!

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  6. You don't sound like a sexist at all to me. Just like a normal polite gentleman.

    If a guy is carrying a heavy package, it makes sense for a woman to let him have 'right of way' and hold the door for him too. Or give up her seat to an older man. Not ageist or sexist. Equality should apply to manners as well.

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    1. You're right. You can be all for equality and still be polite. It just seems that many people nowadays take political correctness too far, and/or put a negative spin on harmless or innocent acts.

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