Monday, December 6, 2010

Tale of the Tea (Epilogue): Hot Pursuit

(Special note. Blogger's been messing with me lately, fellow babies. If you see any huge gaps in the text, that's where a photo is supposed to be! Right-click on the center of the space to (hopefully) open the photo in a new tab or window!)

I was both sad and disgusted that I was forced to miss my chance to attend Mr. Toast's Second Annual Christmas Tea! When I left Boston's Logan Airport, I was wondering if there was any chance I could still get there. Perhaps some of Mr. Toast's other guests could supply me with transportation, if I could only contact them via the internet!

I picked a lock and ducked into a large, cluttered warehouse, filled with all sorts of interesting artifacts. I realized that my suitcase, containing not one, but two swords, had been left stupidly behind at the airport when I'd made my hasty exit! Luckily, my high-tech miniaturized laptop was clutched in my hand. I could check my blog for messages!

Before I could open the laptop, however, I realized that I was not alone in the warehouse.

Flanked by two ominous-looking uniformed men stood a man I had glimpsed earlier, at Logan Airport. I had wondered if he was one of the many TSA agents who had been watching me then.

He rudely dismissed his two attendants. "Get out of here, both of you!" he commanded. "This isn't some penny ante terrorist. This is Zorro. He's a man of honor, and deserves to be brought in by the one man who can take him." He paused, dramatically. "Me."

I slowly inched my way closer to him, until I could finally make his face out clearly. "Hey!" I cried, sounding more like a movie buff named David M. Lynch than el Zorro, "You're Kurt Russell! I love your stuff! I've seen you in everything from Tombstone to The Computer Wore Tennis Shoes!"

He seemed a bit taken aback by my outburst. "Kurt Russell? Uhhh... No, sorry, that's not me! My name is Snake Plissken! And I've been hired by the TSA as a special operative to bring you for questioning after you disrupted things at the airport all day today."

He regained  his composure, and shrugged off his leather jacket, producing a rather huge gun out of nowhere as he did so. He pointed it at me.

"Just come along peacefully. Or I'll shoot."

I was unarmed! I taunted him, to bide my time. "That's a very big gun you have there, Mr. Russell... I mean, Mr. Plissken! Perhaps you are... compensating... for something?"

His one good eye narrowed. "Just come along peacefully," he repeated grimly.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a beautiful young woman -- Of course it was a beautiful young woman! To be Zorro is to always be surrounded by beautiful women! -- who was clutching my suitcase. If she could only get it to me...!

Thinking quickly, I rapidly removed my cape and threw it over Kurt's... I mean, Snake Plissken's face! While he struggled to remove it, the fair lady threw the suitcase to me.

By the time Snake was unencumbered by my cape, and had pointed his huuuge gun at me once again, I was holding both of my swords at the ready.

His face twisted into the closest approximation of a smile that I supposed it could have. I had two good eyes, and two weapons. He had only one good eye, and only one weapon, huuuuge though it was.

He was effectively "outnumbered." He stood mutely as the lady took his huuuuuge gun from him.

"I suggest you leave this building, fair maiden," said I, "in case this situation is not yet resolved!" She did so, taking Snake's huuuuuuge weapon with her.

"Oh, it's resolved, all right," he said, donning his leather jacket and turning away from me. "No shame in being bested by one such as you, Zorro."

He began walking away, then turned back to me and lit a match.

His one good eye stared into my own two eyes. "Maybe you've noticed how much flammable old junk is in here? I'll just bet that one carelessly-discarded match could set this whole place ablaze in seconds! And if it does, I'm also betting that only one of us two makes it out of here... alive."

With that said... Snake dropped the match.

Well! To make a long story short, he was right. The warehouse went up in flames in no time at all, and only one of us emerged... as far as I know. (And it seems that I left my cape on the floor of the burning warehouse.)

It only took a few moments before I found the fair maiden, and thanked her appropriately for having come to my aid!

And now? Well, now I'm waiting at an undisclosed location for the arrival of the exquisite young lady! I have removed as much of my costume as I can and still modestly show you a photograph. I already need a shave, I see. And I have decided to leave the dark dye in my hair until I return home.

I dearly regret having missed Mr. Toast's gala affair, but at least I shall have an affair... that is, a compensation... or two, for my troubles.

There's always next year... *sigh*

And it is with only the slightest discomfort that I realize that these internet events always seem to cost me a cape!

Adios, amigos! (Which is more or less today's equivalent of "Thanks for your time.") 


  1. Oh Mr Fox what a shame to be denied the pleasure of your company. Never mind, it looks like the fair maiden was more than ample compensation - and how did you propose getting those swords past security anyway?

    Until next year.

    PS - you are not the only Silver Fox I know... or are you perhaps one and the same Geoff??

  2. @WrightStuff: I'm a different Silver Fox, real name David M. Lynch. And security wasn't going to be an issue, as I was originally supposed to be making my way to the Isle of Mull on a private jet! And yes, the fair maiden was quite... err... ample. Thanks for reading!

  3. "I dearly regret having missed Mr. Toast's gala affair, but at least I shall have an affair... that is, a compensation... or two, for my troubles". But Good Gracious man, if you had made it you could have had a glass of malt .... or two. But it is good to read about someone who took an even more circuitous route than I did.

  4. We missed you Silver. But sounds like everything worked out well for you anyway. And knowing you, you'd take a fair maiden over a cup of tea any day. ha.

  5. You were definitely missed this year, Mr. Fox. Several of us were waiting on hand to see if we could help. (e.g. Travolta's Jet plane,'s reindeer, etc. hee hee)

    Some of us thought we had even spotted Gretchen a time or two!! =O

    Until next year...



  6. @Alan: Fear not, my friend. The fair maiden... well.. the fair young lady and myself did share a bottle of Scotch, in tribute to Mr. Toast's Christmas Tea, sort of. (Or is it too soon for me to remind you of that?)

    @Betsy: This time, the lady left without taking a souvenir.

  7. @Sophia: Sorry to have missed you, as well. Maybe next year, or even earlier, if I am able to hold my hoped-for Charles Dickens event in February, and you decide to attend?

    As for Gretchen and the other Pleasantview cast members, who knows when -- or if -- we shall ever see them again???

  8. Dear Mr. Silver Fox,

    Well you may have missed the Tea, but in light of things, perhaps it might have been a tad predictable compared to your own hair raising adventures there?! :)

    So glad you made it out alive...and with only losing your cape once more. But, in hindsight, one cape for such a beauty by your side, is well worth it, don't you think?

    Thanks again for all your creative genius. You are a marvel indeed good sir. you now, Zorro, would have had quite the time showing his sword finesses to those highlanders. Who knows what might have happened. Well, at least I can safely say, no blood was drawn! ...Well, non e that i know of anyway!

  9. know that you were missed silver fox...though your adventure in trying has rightly entertained...

  10. @Mr. Toast: I wonder what would have happened had I encountered Connor or Duncan MacLeod? Anyway, I truly regret having missed the actual Christmas Tea, but glad that I could offer a bit of sidebar entertainment, as it were.

    And as far as "one cape for such a beauty by [my] side, [being] well worth it," such has always been the case!

  11. @Brian: I hear that you personally had quite the time, and I'll research that further, as time permits!!!

  12. So sorry you missed a great Tea...but with all it's lovely couldn't match the evening you had!

    Oh my goodness, you had me at the edge of my seat.....

    Glad it all turned out OK and you got the last kiss.

  13. We missed you at the Tea, but glad all is well with you. Quite an adventure! I was looking forward to seeing your attire. I had a crush on Zorro when I was young and watched his program on TV ; )

  14. @Wanda and LadyCat: Another time, then, ladies, whether I come as myself or in the Zorro suit... which seems to bring me luck. (Maybe I should dress that way all the time!) Glad you enjoyed my little adventure!


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