Monday, September 15, 2014

Let's Get It Straight




One of the blogs I read regularly is by author Stephanie Faris. Recently -- like, roughly two and a half months ago -- Stephanie wrote a very brief but entertaining post called "Writers Don't Use Typewriters."

In that post, Stephanie explained how "the typewriter continues to be the universal symbol of 'writer'," although most modern writers seem to have adapted quite well to that newfangled gadget called the "computer." (I assume you've heard of them.)

Similarly, the straight razor seems to be the universal razor for those who shave in movies or on television... and that's the real subject of today's post.

Most of the guys I know shave with one of those multi-blade monstrosities that have been on the market for half a century, more or less.

So. Let me ask all of you female readers something: Does your husband or boyfriend shave with a straight razor?

And to all my male readers: Do you shave with a straight razor?

I've heard that straight razor use is on the rise, but are they really that prevalent? Or is this just a purposeful misrepresentation, possibly to avoid publicizing any particular brand of multi-blade razor by showing it in use?

Just curious.

Thanks for your time.

Monday, September 8, 2014

Yeah, So...?


I've been so effin' apathetic and uninspired lately, I can't even write a good post about it.

Instead of checking out the many blogs on my blogroll 5-6 times weekly, I'm lucky if I crawl to the library 2 or 3 times a week lately. And if I bother to leave a comment for any of you, it's a lackluster one at best.

Just letting you all know why I've been MIA for the past month. I wish I could say it's because I have something exciting in the works that's keeping me from blogging. But I don't. And frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn. I don't even have the energy to recycle old RantZ.

This isn't just writer's block. It's spilled over into my day to day "activities." The only thing productive I've done lately is... Well, does watching one's entire DVD collection count?

(By the way, this post is the closest I'll ever get to "soul searching" -- a/k/a whining -- on this blog, fellow babies! Don't worry.)

So, I'll see you when I see you.

Thanks for your time.

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Lauren Bacall, 1924-2014, R.I.P.


With all the (deserved) media outpouring over the untimely and tragic death of Robin Williams, I thought I might devote a moment or two to the passing of another one of my personal favorites, Lauren Bacall, who has left us at eighty-nine. (I'm sure you can find something about Robin Williams elsewhere on the internet if you try hard enough...)


Ms. Bacall was as feisty as anyone would have had to have been, to have been happily married to Humphrey Bogart... which she was, for an unfortunately short time -- from 1945 to 1957 -- due to his premature death from lung cancer.

No, no, no.... That's a cigarette; she's not giving us the finger...
But I'm not sure Ms. Bacall would hesitate to do so given the right circumstances!

Ms. Bacall's prominence did not end with the death of her husband and occasional co-star, of course. In 1970 she won a Tony Award for Applause, and again in 1981 for Woman of the Year. She received a Golden Globe Award and an Oscar nomination for 1996's  The Mirror Has Two Faces.

She received an Honorary Academy Award "in recognition of her central place in the Golden Age of motion pictures" in 2009.

Usually, in my celebrity tributes, I try to inject a personal note explaining some sort of connection between myself and the subject, how he or she affected my life, or maybe an anecdote you may not have heard. I don't have any of that this time. All I can say is that Ms. Bacall was a reminder of Hollywood as it used to be, and a treasure that shall be missed.

Thanks for your time.

Tuesday, August 5, 2014

Monday, July 28, 2014

Short Shorts on Transportation (A David'Z RantZ Post from 5/21/08)


1. You know, they've been making automobiles for well over a hundred years now. In all that time, why the hell haven't the car manufacturers gotten together and said, "Okay, everybody, once and for all: We put the gasoline tank filler pipe on this side!" It would save so much time and confusion at the gas pumps if we could all drive up to the pumps the same way. The federal government loves regulating all things concerning cars, like emissions devices, safety features, and what have you... Why don't they step in and say, "From 2015 on, all gasoline tanks must be filled from the left [or the right... or even the center, behind the license plate]. We hated to pass this law, but it was painfully obvious that the idiotic auto companies were never going to get around to it."

2. On a related note, I will never believe that the government is truly serious about protecting automobile passengers until someone steps in and protects the children we send to school in those death traps we complacently call "school buses." When a school bus gets in an accident, its cargo of young lives is about as well-protected as a dozen eggs would be if I placed those eggs in a plastic bag and threw said bag against a nearby wall. "Save the children," indeed.

3. Finally...

For as long as I can remember, I've heard jokes and complaints about how the airlines lose people's luggage.

I can fix that. Right now.

What the airlines need to do is to remove a few unnecessary steps from the whole process. Each company needs to hire someone who is currently working for a bus company like Greyhound, Trailways, Peter Pan, et al, -- Are all of those companies still in existence? -- quadruple their salaries, and let them tackle the way things are being done.

Within weeks, these new consultants will have instituted new systems where, after going through baggage security checks, each passenger brings his (or her) own bags directly to the plane he'll be flying on. Then he'll watch as it's loaded onto the correct plane, so he'll know it'll fly to the same destination he's going to, at the same time that he does.

What could be simpler than that?

(Pay me.)

Thanks for your time.

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