Saturday, December 25, 2010

"The Anti-Claus" and "Happy Krimble"

I'm not Santy Claus!
You can call me Anti-Claus!
Don't bunch up your panties, 'cause...
I'm not him!

Going quite insane, here.
Love to cause you pain, dear!
What's for breakfast? Reindeer!
(I'm not him.)

I see you when you're sleeping,
I know when you're awake,
I see you when you're naked,
So give that tail a shake!

Lumps of coal to all o'you.
Anti-Claus will follow you,
Eat you up, and swallow you!
I'm not "him!"

I'm hardly a subversive!
Don't call me "rat" or "snake!"
My badge reads "TSA" now.
There's far too much at stake!

Ask for toys, you'll get a slap.
Don't give me that "giving" crap,
And put yo' Mama on my lap!
I'm not him!

Sorry, fellow babies... I decided to begin today's post with a reaction to those adults -- I'm much nicer to the children, actually! -- who keep telling this white-haired, white-bearded "Silver Fox" that he looks like Santa Claus!


Now that all of that is out of my system, here's the rest of my much more sedate Christmas post!

I'm the one on the right. On the right, I said!

For last year's Christmas post, I embedded about... oh... 47 YouTube videos featuring several of my most-loved Christmas songs. If you really want to get into the Christmas spirit, click here.

As for the rest of you...

The following video features what is arguably the worst rendition of one of my all-time favorite straight tunes, "O Holy Night," and the story behind it. It was recorded 20 years ago as a joke, by Nashville composer/arranger Steve Mauldin, who explained "At the end of the session, we were letting off some steam and I sang this version never intending for anyone to hear it except a few close friends. My wife hates it and will not be in a room when it is playing, my dad thought I should not have sang that way on this song. I didn't sing bad to this song, I sang to the last song of the project. Had the last song been White Christmas, I would have sang to White Christmas. But I did not mean for the world to hear it, I was just having some studio fun once we had everything for the album recorded on the 2" tape, like we studio musicians do."

(Skip to 5:42 if you want to hear this hilarious take on the Christmas classic, without all the background info!)

Some of you may think that's a bit irreverent, considering the subject matter, but I firmly believe that any God who could create both the human race and the duck-billed platypus in the same week has to have a sense of humor. Otherwise, both Mr. Mauldin's microphone and my computer would have been struck by lightning!

So, with that out of the way, fellow babies, I want to wish a sincere "Merry Christmas" to any and all of you who celebrate the holiday, and that includes Christians and non-Christians -- I know at least one atheist who loves this season -- as well as all Jews, Muslims, Pagans, etc. who treat this time of year with reverence due to their own beliefs, or tolerance for others' beliefs.

Tolerance. Whatta concept, eh?

In the words of The Beatles, "Happy Krimble" (or "Crimble," as reports vary)... and thanks for your time.


  1. Great post, but that's no surprise. There has been an endless supply of great posts throughout the year. Happy Christmas my friend.

  2. I KNEW you had an ancient face!

  3. @Alan: Why, shucks! Thank you, sir!

    @Betsy: Yeah, it works like a Venus Fly-Trap. Pretty ladies kiss me on that ancient face, and then they're ensnared by my wrinkles!

  4. Ouch! My poor ears may never forgive you.

    As a pagan who celebrates the Winter Solstice and accepts Christmas as one of the many variations of that celebration, I send the holiday greetings right back atcha!

  5. @Roy: That's exactly the sort of "tolerance" I meant. Best wishes of the season to you!

  6. You know at least TWO Atheists who love this season! The very best to you and all those you love.

    Yep - tolerance. What a concept. This country should try it sometime. :)

  7. LOL!Merry Christmas anyway!:)

  8. aren't you glad you have that photo of you on Santa's lap?

  9. @California Girl: Glad? I guess so. I'm even gladder that I eventually grew into those ears! I have a couple of even younger shots with various Santas, btw.

  10. "various Santas"?? You mean there's more than ONE? *gasps*

  11. @Betsy: Oh, crap. You mean, you didn't know?

  12. Okay, still laughing! This was awesome...if not in season! My favorite Christmas song as well. Perhaps I'll treat you to MY version when the time rolls around...but that would take a lot of the you know what's I sacrificed back in my younger days! ;)


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