Tuesday, October 13, 2009

What I Did on My Day Off (or, "Willow's Got the Biggest Balls of Them All!")

Greetings from the Second Annual Willow Manor Ball!

But first, here's a brief run-down of the last few days:

I must admit, when I first learned of the Willow Manor Ball, I was so glad my dancing skills had improved since my awkward high school days...

Before Skip Simpson (a/k/a "The Skipster") picked me up in the Skipster One on Sunday night -- along with Cameron Diaz (a/k/a "Cammie"), his date -- I decided to try on my outfit to make sure it still fit. As I was admiring... I mean, judging my "look" in the mirror, there was a knock on my door.

Imagine my surprise at the sight of the lovely Catherine Zeta-Jones. It seems that she is an avid blog reader, and naturally was aware of the impending event of the internet year! Unfortunately, she was confused by my photos in costume, and thought that I was her co-star in two Zorro films, Antonio Banderas! (I'm not sure how she tracked me down... Perhaps Blogger and T-Mobile have some sort of agreement...)

Catherine "admitted" that she'd long had a crush on me (Antonio, that is), and wanted to be my date to the ball. What to do, what to do... I quickly decided that one bird in the hand was not worth several dozen in the bush, shall we say, so although I ordinarily would have jumped at the chance -- and her -- I begged off reluctantly.

I told her about this unfortunate case of mistaken identity, and unmasked. She didn't care! She still wanted me! "Just one date!" she pleaded, but I held firm. (No wisecracks, please, fellow babies.)

I searched for excuses. "I'm old enough to be your... err... older brother!" I protested.

"Dude!" she exclaimed loudly. "Have you seen the guy I'm married to?!?"

She called me "dude?" Didn't expect that... certainly not a word I'd ever use... But I digress...

Her reference to Michael Douglas gave me an inspiration. I told her I wouldn't think of consorting with a married woman. Thinking of the guests at the Willow Manor Ball, of course, I realized what a bald-faced lie that was... But again, I digress.

She left, crestfallen.

On Sunday night, Skip arrived at Worcester Airport in Massachusetts in the Skipster One. Cameron Diaz and I were waiting, along with hopeful gate-crasher Tom Cruise.

In keeping with my outfit, I decided to bring my faithful steed, Toronado.

However, I also brought my precious 1963 Corvette Stingray, purchased a few years ago from some gent named "Roland." After all, I was hoping that one or more of the guests would agree to some "private time" with The Silver Fox... and not everyone likes to ride on horseback!

Good thing the Skipster One is such a huge plane!

The flight to Willow Manor was uneventful, except when Tom -- obviously confusing himself with his "Top Gun" character -- insisted on piloting the plane. He recklessly sent us into a barrel roll, which in turn sent Ms. Diaz (Okay, okay, Skip, "Cammie!") into my arms. She thanked me for cushioning her fall, but when she made an off-color remark about a "sheath for [my] sword," I turned her down politely. After all, she was Skip's date.

And Skip was on the plane...

After Skip regained control of the plane, Tom calmed down quite a bit, apologizing to us all, etc. He asked if there were any chance that we could swing a last-minute invite to the ball, and we said we'd try... But when I asked him to promise not to bring up Scientology to any of the other guests, he freaked out again, necessitating he be taken away for a brief "rest" when the plane had landed.

Having been warned of our early arrival, our gracious and elegant hostess, Willow, let the three of us stay in her spacious guest wing for two nights and a day. Wanting to spare her large liquor supply, Skip and I occasionally retired to the bar on the Skipster One for cocktails and conversation, where I regaled him with my brand-new Catherine Zeta-Jones anecdote. (Parts of this conversation are repeated elsewhere.) Skip showed me a poem he had written for Cameron Diaz. Not up to his usual standards, unfortunately, although he was quite proud of it.

At one point, I even allowed Skip's precious "Cammie" to borrow the keys to my Corvette, for a drive into town. Strange, I don't recall her returning the keys... But I digress.

Now, as for the ball itself...

As the old song says, "I could have danced all night!" (I even sneaked in a few dances sans costume, just to see if anyone would recognize me. Apparently, Willow did!) Such lovely ladies at the ball, and it seems that so many wanted a chance to take to the floor with Ye Olde Fox... some of them more than once. I blush! I'm so glad I decided to arrive "stag," without a date. And as for any... *ahem*... extra-curricular activities, shall we say... Well, there are some things a gentleman never discusses.

I suppose the highlight of the evening was when I took to the floor with one young lady in particular. It's kind of difficult to make out who she is in the following video, but... Well, she knows who she is!

I was quite honored that during this dance, the other partygoers let myself and my lady-of-the-moment have the floor to ourselves... except for a brief moment when this unlikely-looking couple took to the floor:

Ah, so many memories! I cannot thank Willow enough for her hospitality, and the other guests were all so refined, and for certain other activities, I'd especially like to thank... Well, you know who you are...

(Both of you.)

I haven't seen Skip and Cammie for a while now. I assume things are going along swimmingly.

And there's so much more to see reading the other sites! What an adventure!

As always, ladies and gentlemen, The Silver Fox thanks you for your time.

P.S. ~~ Oh, and now? Now, having washed the Zorro-ish black dye from my hair -- I am the Silver Fox, don't forget! -- and having ridden Toronado to where the valet has parked my...



Dude!!! Where's my car?!?


  1. I'll have to admit, that smoking dance number almost caught the manor on fire!!

    Your flourishing cape was making so many of the ladies swoon, the two fainting couches were in constant use.

    The most fun, though, was our unforgetable slow dance, sans the cape. ((sigh))

  2. (Running outside after hearing The Foxster's loud scream) Oh. That was YOUR car, Cammie stole? Um... well... (hands in pockets, shuffling feet)... gee. I don't know what to say. (Offers a drink) Orange Whip? Orange Whip? (to outside bartender) Two Orange Whips...

  3. I'm so disappointed, Silver Fox! I wanted so much to try the Tango with you, but my sprained foot prevents me even walking to the car. Jeeves carried me in like a Gorey-damsel on the tombstone. Please stop by my divan in the corner where I shall be happy to receive you and Jeeves will mix you up one of his scandalous martinis. Bertie's around here somewhere!

  4. You did come by with Skip when we were doing the Silver Fox-Trot Reel didn't you? Linda #53. He came by in your car so I was sure you were with him. If the Orange Whip is not satisfying, do come back for a martini.

  5. What a night was had by all - what a shame I missed it.

  6. Did you awaken from that dream in a cold sweat? Because that was a wild one... not a sheet was left on the bed, one can assume.

    Mmmmm Catherine Zeta Jones... Zorro-era, the prime of her hotness [er... umm... i mean career!]. What could have been. Sure I catch a glimmer in those T-Mobile spots. But what did that old bag do to you? [Not the Silver Fox, I mean Douglas! Perish the thought...]

  7. Do so hope I didn't disgrace my self but I am sorry to report that I had some dark black dye marks on my very pale blonde tresses! Still we did have fun doing that "torro dance" Wow! how you swung that cape and so quick on your heels. I had much fun my dear Man,and that Skipster guy is charming too! It certainly was the Ball of The Year.

  8. I've been avidly following your's and Skip's accounts of the Willow Manor ball and they are fantastic!

  9. sorry about the car silver fox, had to make a rather quick get away from the ball...err, will get it back to you soon....dude....lol.

  10. Wow!You and Catherine did a very fine dance just there! But wait until you see my date and I tango on the floor.

  11. Willow: My sentiments exactly, oh gracious hostess!

    Skip: Better read Brian's comment below, Skip. I think I know where your "date" ended up!

    Poetikat: Sharing a drink -- okay, six -- with such an engaging conversationalist was my pleasure!

    Linda: If it's a vodka martini, rather than a gin martini, I'm all for it. (Ever since that fiasco in '77...) And Skip's been ordering Orange Whips for us since we drank them with the Blues Brothers in the early 1980s!

    Alan: My sincere condolences.

    Redbeard: All part of a grand and glorious internet phenomenon, my friend.

    Kate: High praise, considering the source. So glad you've been entertained. And I was hoping I'd see you at the ball, for just one slow dance...

    Susie: If you ask me, you've spent far too much time worrying yourself about Skip! Especially after having enjoyed yourself so much during our dance... as did I! Whose blog do you think this is, anyway!

    Brian: My car, and Skip's date?!? You cad!

    Roy: Well, where is she? You can't keep her all to yourself all night, can you?

  12. Oh, and Willow? You surprise me. No comment at all on my title?

  13. I sure did enjoy those dances, Mr. Fox! And that cute little car...I'd love to take a spin in it with you...that is if you'll behave yourself! hee!

  14. Betsy, I'd like to promise, but unlike my actions with Catherine Zeta-Jones, I don't like to lie to a lady! Will you settle for an honest "I'll try?"

  15. And Candie, there's still a dance or two saved for you... And did I tell you how lovely you look tonight?

  16. you know how to have a ball for sure.

    Tom really needs to separate fact form fiction. This isn't the emovie tom. It's reality. ...the ball is indeed gogin very well.

    Mulled wine will be served shortly. Do say hello to Juliette Binoche too.

  17. This was the most fun I've had all night! What a wicked dancer you are! You must pop over for a spin across my marble floor.

  18. Silver Fox, that one dance we shared will haunt my dreams. If my card hadn't been so full, I would love to have danced with you again. Ah, well. It was a swell party, wasn't it?

  19. Does your 'day off' happen often? -J

  20. Willow got it right when she said women were swooning over your cape flourishing abilities. I hope you saved a dance for me...
    Thanks so much for stopping by my blog!

  21. That Cammie! What a fright she turned out to be - taking your car and all. You were so dashing - it was all I could do to get away from Hugh Jackman to ask you to dance. (swoon) - you are a devil with that mask!

  22. LOL I wasn't even there!But if I would have been I would have definitely danced with you even if I dance like hell!lol

  23. Barbara: A spin across a marble floor? After I've rested a bit...

    Sandra: Yes, the dance was exquisite!

    rxBambi: It was my pleasure.

    Candie: So sorry you didn't make it, but as for my saying you looked lovely regardless... Well, I do have my sources!

    Nancy: And a devil without it as well, milady!

    J: Days off? Not nearly enough...

    mmm: That mulled wine did me in. Beddie-bye time...


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