For the Holidays

Just because I have white hair and a beard does NOT mean I like being compared to Santa Claus. Keep those comparisons to yourself. And I'm not the only one who feels that way. Keep that in mind, fellow babies, before you say something similar to any bearded, white-haired gent. And don't try to push it by saying "But you should take it as a compliment! Everyone loves Santa Claus!" or remarks like that.

(If you really want to give it a positive spin, offer the guy a job as Santa on the spot.)

Anyway, I was feeling decidedly UN-Santa-ish four years ago today when I posted the following original poem. Please excuse the grammatically-incorrect line, "I'm not him!":

I'm not Santy Claus!

You can call me Anti-Claus!

Don't bunch up your panties, 'cause...

I'm not him!

Going quite insane, here.

Love to cause you pain, dear!

What's for breakfast? Reindeer!

(I'm not him.)

I see you when you're sleeping,

I know when you're awake,

I see you when you're naked,

So give that tail a shake!

Lumps of coal to all o'you.

Anti-Claus will follow you,

Eat you up, and swallow you!

I'm not "him!"

Ask for toys, you'll get a slap.

Don't give me that "giving" crap,

And put yo' Mama on my lap!

I'm not him!

I deleted a reference to the TSA which was a lot funnier then -- it was more timely four years ago -- believe me.

If you want to read the original post, which included more holiday stuff, click here. If, instead, you'd like to see a whole sleigh-full of YouTube videos (and a few dead links) for the 2009 season, and some lengthy ruminations on Christmas songs in general, click here instead.

Or don't click on either link. Just don't tell me.

So, Merry Christmas, and Happy Holidays to those of you who celebrate something, anything, this time of year. That includes Pagans, Muslims, Jews... even atheists and agnostics. (Some of them enjoy the holiday season, too, ya know!)

I'm the one on the right. On the right, I said!

Thanks for your time, fellow babies.