Wednesday, December 24, 2014

For the Holidays

Just because I have white hair and a beard does NOT mean I like being compared to Santa Claus. Keep those comparisons to yourself. And I'm not the only one who feels that way. Keep that in mind, fellow babies, before you say something similar to any bearded, white-haired gent. And don't try to push it by saying "But you should take it as a compliment! Everyone loves Santa Claus!" or remarks like that.

(If you really want to give it a positive spin, offer the guy a job as Santa on the spot.)

Anyway, I was feeling decidedly UN-Santa-ish four years ago today when I posted the following original poem. Please excuse the grammatically-incorrect line, "I'm not him!":

I'm not Santy Claus!
You can call me Anti-Claus!
Don't bunch up your panties, 'cause...
I'm not him!

Going quite insane, here.
Love to cause you pain, dear!
What's for breakfast? Reindeer!
(I'm not him.)

I see you when you're sleeping,
I know when you're awake,
I see you when you're naked,
So give that tail a shake!

Lumps of coal to all o'you.
Anti-Claus will follow you,
Eat you up, and swallow you!
I'm not "him!"

Ask for toys, you'll get a slap.
Don't give me that "giving" crap,
And put yo' Mama on my lap!
I'm not him!

I deleted a reference to the TSA which was a lot funnier then -- it was more timely four years ago -- believe me.

If you want to read the original post, which included more holiday stuff, click here. If, instead, you'd like to see a whole sleigh-full of YouTube videos (and a few dead links) for the 2009 season, and some lengthy ruminations on Christmas songs in general, click here instead.

Or don't click on either link. Just don't tell me.

So, Merry Christmas, and Happy Holidays to those of you who celebrate something, anything, this time of year. That includes Pagans, Muslims, Jews... even atheists and agnostics. (Some of them enjoy the holiday season, too, ya know!)

I'm the one on the right. On the right, I said!

Thanks for your time, fellow babies.


  1. Hope a good Christmas is had at your pad. You watch naked people? You could get locked away for that lol I imagine it is annoying, the cat will fit it in once and a while to annoy haha but that is it.

  2. Being another white-bearded curmudgeon, I share your pain. Have a great holiday!

  3. A very Happy and Merry Christmas to you too! What a cutie you were, bet you haven't changed all that much! You are the one on the left right?! Just kidding!

    1. Yeah... I was kinda cute! Merry Christmas to you.

  4. That's hilarious! My husband told a guy at Cracker Barrel once that he looked like Santa. I never thought it might offend someone. Everyone loves Santa.

  5. But you should take it as a compliment? Really? Oh darn... Okay, you're the one on the right. I believe you. But how come you weren't crying? I cried every time my Mom forced me to sit on that guy's lap. I still would for that matter.

    Merry Belated Christmas, Mr. Silver "I'm not Santa" Fox.

    1. Well, I might cry now if I were forced to sit on his lap....

  6. Hope you had a nice holiday..the one on the right is that right? I never liked going near Santa he gave me fright..I thought if this guy doesn't like me no presents would be had..who knew Santa had so much power.

    1. Scary, innit? Did you see the viral YouTube video where the mom made her two kids cry by sending them a letter "from Santa" saying they'd been bad so they weren't getting any presents?


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