Friday, June 6, 2014

Musical Notes (A David'Z RantZ "Short Shorts" Post from 5/6/08)

A few days ago, I presented a snippet from the following David'Z RantZ post. Here's the whole thing!

1) About fifteen years ago, when I was in my early forties, I met an adorable young lady of around 20 who gave her name as Layla. My response to "My name's Layla" was "I'm David, nice to meet you." She paused for about three seconds (waiting for the "other shoe to drop," I assume) before saying an enthusiastic "Thank you!" "For what?" I replied innocently, and she answered "For not singing that f**king song to me!" We hit it off immediately, and dated off and on for about a year.


It's always best to ignore the obvious remarks. Too many people think that they're the first ones to think of something that virtually everyone thinks of!

2) I love arguing with people who say "it's not an album, it's a CD," when I talk about some artist's latest release which is (usually) only available on CD, and I refer to it as an "album." I explain the origin of the term "album," and how it is a "time-honored misnomer" (That phrase always disorients them!) going back to the days when albums weren't 12" vinyl LPs (which didn't even exist yet), but rather, collections of brittle 78 rpm discs in a binder similar to a photo album. (That's even before my time, 'though!) Really messes their heads up when I point out that technically, by that logic, either everything is an "album," or nothing is, including your favorite artist's latest release, even if it's only on CD!

3) Speaking of albums (the 12" vinyl kind), I'm reminded of when I worked at a comic book/record/misc. collectibles store. A customer spent several minutes looking through the LPs in our extensive "M" section, and finally asked where we kept "the Morrison albums." "Jim Morrison, or Van Morrison?" I asked, and his blank stare when I said "Van Morrison" answered me better than any verbal reply could have. "Umm... look under 'D,' for 'Doors?'" He gave me a "Wow, never would have thought of that!" look, and off he went.

4) Don't you hate it when musicians' names (or anybody else's, too, as it's a trend I've seen with increasing frequency) are alphabetized by their first name? I mean, in that case, couldn't "Bob Seger" (for instance) be under "R" for "Robert," his proper given name? But then again, if one argues that "B" is correct because "everybody" calls him "Bob," how about Michael Jackson? Should he be under "M" for "Michael Jackson," or "J," since almost everybody (at least, in the tabloids) was calling him "Jacko" for the last few years of his life? However, if you do file him under "J," people may think that he's really there because his name was actually Michael Jackson, which means that he alone is being alphabetized by his surname, and...

I am so confused! Maybe Liberace, Cher, Madonna, and Beyoncé had/have the right idea, after all.

5) I had a friendly argument approximately 35 years ago with my friend & (then) bass player (I was lead singer in a few bands in those days) named Brian. He and I both organized our LPs alphabetically, but he filed Led Zeppelin under "Z," the Rolling Stones under "S," etc. I pointed out that those weren't the names of people, they were the names of bands. I said you should file David Bowie under "B," but Led Zeppelin should be "L," and so forth. Brian replied, "Well, people always say 'I just got back from the Stones' concert,' or 'Did you hear the new Sabbath album?' No one ever says, 'The latest Rolling Stone Magazine has an interview with Led...'" Good point, I suppose, but I wasn't convinced.

It gets worse.

"The Beatles?" Easy. File under "B." (Anyone who files groups like that -- or book titles, or song titles, whatever! -- under "T" for "The" should be shot and hung on a meat hook for public display like they did to Mussolini.) And Buddy Holly and the Crickets? Well, he was kinda/sorta the headliner, even before he went solo, so I'd file all his recordings under "H." But there are gray areas. Frankie Lymon and the Teenagers. Jay and the Americans. J. Frank Wilson and the Cavaliers. Without Frankie, Jay, or J. Frank, the nominal back-up groups almost didn't matter, unlike the Crickets, who continued on to their own career, as the Belmonts did when Dion left them.

And what about... The Dave Clark Five? Tough call! Under "C?" Well, if Buddy Holly and the Crickets got "H..." But wait. It's not "Dave Clark and the Five," it's "The Dave Clark Five." So, "D," then? (That's how I do it... )

Then there was that irritating tendency in the late '60s to take perfectly innocent group names like "The Supremes" and "The Four Seasons" and turn them into "Diana Ross and the Supremes" and "Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons." Thanks a bunch, guys.

I guess the easiest group to file (of those whose name mentions their lead singer) would be Herman's Hermits. (And of course I know that "Herman" was actually Peter Noone, but they really did call him "Herman!") Again, like the Dave Clark Five, it's not "Herman and the Hermits," it's "Herman's Hermits." But whether you file it under "Herman's" or "Hermits," you're still pretty safe. (I remember a band called "Mac's Mob." Would that be an "M - A" or an "M - O?")

Then again, if you have so many LPs that you get all the way past "H - E - R - M" and it still matters whether you file according to the "A" in "Herman" or the "I" in "Hermits," you have so many damned albums that you're never going to get your whole collection organized anyway.

Thanks for your time.


  1. lol many have their own system indeed. Whatever works best for them, have at it. I put the in the T's as said before, no one ever says beatles, the or whatever. I go by how it is said, when people starting say Terminator, the or Beatles, the, then I'll put it like that. If it is a name in a movie title, I put the first name first, if it is a name of a person for work or something last name is what it gets filed under.

    1. I'll try to make sure they don't put you on a meat hook.

  2. Why were you dating a 20 year old when you were in your forties? I know. Don't bother to answer. I'm surprised her name wasn't Jennifer. I say album, and I've noticed that some entertainment reporters do the same. I never alphabetize by first name unless the person is known only by the first name. Do you feel any better now?


    1. I do. I've felt better for about six years now.

    2. I haven't known you that long. You didn't seem to feel better about four years ago.

  3. damn. i might have sang to her and wasted that opportunity...though i agree that stating the obvious makes you no different than anyone else...i tend to agree with janie, only file by last name...

  4. My CD collection is alphabetized by last name or group name (excluding initial The), but when I put them on the computer and file in iTunes, the program files them by first name. It used to also file them by the The, but about 5 years ago they changed that part of the programming. Still, computer naming protocol can be very frustrating!

    1. Sucks when they take the decisions out of our hands, dunnit?

  5. Yeah, the alphabitizing thing has always bugged me. When I worked at Borders (remeber them? They haven't been gone all that long) there were people there that would alphabetize the foreign films wrong. La Dolce Vita DOES NOT go under L. La is the in Italian, so it goes under D for Dolce. Fuckin' idiots in this world. String 'em all up.

    As for albums. Yeah, that's what I will always call them, though I don't think most new artists (at least the mainstreamier of them) really bother to figure out a specific order to their albums (as older groups always did) since everything is downloadable now, and played as singles. Yeah, I say singles too.

    My lovely wife's name is Amy, and she hates hates hates that Pure Prairie League song, even if they spell her name differently.

    See ya 'round the web. All Things Kevyn.

    1. I've known as least three women who were named after songs: Carrie-Anne, Sherry, and Valleri.

  6. I'm seeing a LOT of people calling them albums--even younger generations who have never listened to an album. I also see reporters refer to it as "new album" from XX musician. To me, it seems that the word "album" is a good way to refer to a compilation of songs--song vs. album. But a lot of people think album must mean LP. In a few years, the word "CD" will bring the question, "What's that?" from younger generations!

  7. You're right. Scary thought.

    I think I'll dig out the ol' eight-track player...

  8. ignore the obvious - excellent advice!
    and alpha order by first name is a travesty! (also using "the")
    fun flashback!


I strongly urge you to sign up for follow-up comments, because I (usually) reply to your comment! Comments left for me more than two weeks after a post is published will not appear until I approve them, but they will be answered eventually!


Related Posts with Thumbnails