Musical Notes (A David'Z RantZ "Short Shorts" Post from 5/6/08)

A few days ago, I presented a snippet from the following David'Z RantZ post. Here's the whole thing!

1) About fifteen years ago, when I was in my early forties, I met an adorable young lady of around 20 who gave her name as Layla. My response to "My name's Layla" was "I'm David, nice to meet you." She paused for about three seconds (waiting for the "other shoe to drop," I assume) before saying an enthusiastic "Thank you!" "For what?" I replied innocently, and she answered "For not singing that f**king song to me!" We hit it off immediately, and dated off and on for about a year.

*sigh*

It's always best to ignore the obvious remarks. Too many people think that they're the first ones to think of something that virtually everyone thinks of!

2) I love arguing with people who say "it's not an album, it's a CD," when I talk about some artist's latest release which is (usually) only available on CD, and I refer to it as an "album." I explain the origin of the term "album," and how it is a "time-honored misnomer" (That phrase always disorients them!) going back to the days when albums weren't 12" vinyl LPs (which didn't even exist yet), but rather, collections of brittle 78 rpm discs in a binder similar to a photo album. (That's even before my time, 'though!) Really messes their heads up when I point out that technically, by that logic, either everything is an "album," or nothing is, including your favorite artist's latest release, even if it's only on CD!

3) Speaking of albums (the 12" vinyl kind), I'm reminded of when I worked at a comic book/record/misc. collectibles store. A customer spent several minutes looking through the LPs in our extensive "M" section, and finally asked where we kept "the Morrison albums." "Jim Morrison, or Van Morrison?" I asked, and his blank stare when I said "Van Morrison" answered me better than any verbal reply could have. "Umm... look under 'D,' for 'Doors?'" He gave me a "Wow, never would have thought of that!" look, and off he went.

4) Don't you hate it when musicians' names (or anybody else's, too, as it's a trend I've seen with increasing frequency) are alphabetized by their first name? I mean, in that case, couldn't "Bob Seger" (for instance) be under "R" for "Robert," his proper given name? But then again, if one argues that "B" is correct because "everybody" calls him "Bob," how about Michael Jackson? Should he be under "M" for "Michael Jackson," or "J," since almost everybody (at least, in the tabloids) was calling him "Jacko" for the last few years of his life? However, if you do file him under "J," people may think that he's really there because his name was actually Michael Jackson, which means that he alone is being alphabetized by his surname, and...

I am so confused! Maybe Liberace, Cher, Madonna, and Beyoncé had/have the right idea, after all.

5) I had a friendly argument approximately 35 years ago with my friend & (then) bass player (I was lead singer in a few bands in those days) named Brian. He and I both organized our LPs alphabetically, but he filed Led Zeppelin under "Z," the Rolling Stones under "S," etc. I pointed out that those weren't the names of people, they were the names of bands. I said you should file David Bowie under "B," but Led Zeppelin should be "L," and so forth. Brian replied, "Well, people always say 'I just got back from the Stones' concert,' or 'Did you hear the new Sabbath album?' No one ever says, 'The latest Rolling Stone Magazine has an interview with Led...'" Good point, I suppose, but I wasn't convinced.

It gets worse.

"The Beatles?" Easy. File under "B." (Anyone who files groups like that -- or book titles, or song titles, whatever! -- under "T" for "The" should be shot and hung on a meat hook for public display like they did to Mussolini.) And Buddy Holly and the Crickets? Well, he was kinda/sorta the headliner, even before he went solo, so I'd file all his recordings under "H." But there are gray areas. Frankie Lymon and the Teenagers. Jay and the Americans. J. Frank Wilson and the Cavaliers. Without Frankie, Jay, or J. Frank, the nominal back-up groups almost didn't matter, unlike the Crickets, who continued on to their own career, as the Belmonts did when Dion left them.

And what about... The Dave Clark Five? Tough call! Under "C?" Well, if Buddy Holly and the Crickets got "H..." But wait. It's not "Dave Clark and the Five," it's "The Dave Clark Five." So, "D," then? (That's how I do it... )

Then there was that irritating tendency in the late '60s to take perfectly innocent group names like "The Supremes" and "The Four Seasons" and turn them into "Diana Ross and the Supremes" and "Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons." Thanks a bunch, guys.

I guess the easiest group to file (of those whose name mentions their lead singer) would be Herman's Hermits. (And of course I know that "Herman" was actually Peter Noone, but they really did call him "Herman!") Again, like the Dave Clark Five, it's not "Herman and the Hermits," it's "Herman's Hermits." But whether you file it under "Herman's" or "Hermits," you're still pretty safe. (I remember a band called "Mac's Mob." Would that be an "M - A" or an "M - O?")

Then again, if you have so many LPs that you get all the way past "H - E - R - M" and it still matters whether you file according to the "A" in "Herman" or the "I" in "Hermits," you have so many damned albums that you're never going to get your whole collection organized anyway.

Thanks for your time.