It's Time for ORSON'Z RANTZ, Fellow Cats'n'Kitties!

(This is not The Silver Fox speaking here!)

Did you see this blog's last so-called post? You know, the one with the photo of the wimpy-looking kitty-cat? Gimme a freakin' break, willya? If I ever have to look at anythin' that "cute" again, I'm gonna toss my Friskies! There's only ONE cat that deserves to star in this show!

So, here I am! Orson, the One and Only! Orson, the Great and Powerful! Orson, the Fuzzy and the Feisty! Orson, the Bold and the Beautiful! Orson...

Oh, you get what I'm drivin' at, huh?

Well, if you can't appreciate long-windedness, what the heck are you doin' readin' this blog???

That whiny hairless ape who calls hisself The Silver Fox -- but he ain't no fox in any meanin' of the word, believe me -- turned the blog over to me yet again, cuz he's too lazy to write it, or sumthin'. 

Yeah. Or sumthin'...

And he left it to me to come up with sumthin' to write about. I could write about my absolute favorite subject -- ME -- or my second favorite subject -- FOOD -- but The Silver Flop wanted me to write sumthin' of more general interest.

Well, since he's been going whacko-political lately, how 'bout if I talk 'bout the comin' revolution? No, don't worry, I ain't talkin' 'bout nothin' you humans got brewin'! I could care less about stuff like that! [The Silver Fox sez: "That's 'I couldn't care less,' furball!" Orson sez: "Aaaah, shaddap!"] 

Nope, I'm talkin' 'bout the day when us animals rise as one and take over!

Any of you human types bother to read The Silver Flub's rant about "companion animals" a while back? Show of hands, here! Huh. Looks like his readership is made up of multiple amputees! [The Silver Fox sez: "Orson, that was in really bad taste." Orson sez: "Ohhh, riiiiight. And that's comin' from the guy who wrote that oh-so-tasteful Captain Kirk post the other day."}

Y'see, the way I figger it, the only problem with the whole thought about labelin' cats and lesser species of animals -- "lesser" meanin' all of the others, of course -- as "companions" instead of "pets" is that those hairless apes ain't takin' it far enough! Cuz I hate to break it to youse humans, but we ain't your equals, we're your freakin' superiors! And it's 'bout time that you all realized that and really started kissin' our furry butts -- figuratively speakin' -- even more than ya do now!

Which means, among other things, that The Silver Fart is gonna hafta start sharin' his pork chops and steaks with me. I'm gettin' sick of his condescendin' "allowance" of real food only whenever he buys a rotisserie-cooked chicken! 

Yep, even as you read this, my feline brethren & sistren -- that's "tomcats" and "pussycats" to those of us in the know -- plus the "lesser species" I mentioned earlier, are undergoin' military trainin' in secret!

And we're smart enough to be outfittin' ourselves with protective armor, of course.

I mean, what do ya think we do when ya let us out of the house? (Besides fertilizin' the landscape, that is.) Not much to do, especially when you so-called "owners" have us neutered, like The Silver Flem-Head did to me! [The Silver Fox sez: "That's 'phlegm-head.' And... Stop insulting me!" Orson sez: "Butt out, willya? This is my post! And just be glad I ain't substituted the obvious four-letter choice for 'fox," you big cry-baby!"}

Where wuz I? Oh, yeah...

Yep, we're recruitin' 'em young, just outta litter-box trainin'... and we call 'em The Kittler Youth!

And some of us older types are even more gung-ho than others!

We're even convertin' some celebrities to our cause!

And 'though we know we'll suffer heavy casualties, and that some of us will be captured and sent to concentration kennels...

You can't stop us, cuz we can get into places you humans think we can't get into!

Maybe you should all just surrender now, before you have to face the unleashed fury of a ninja cat!

That's right, I said "ninja cat!" You think there ain't no such things? Wrong!

Feline legend has it that the ancient Oriental art of Nincatsu was developed by our species in the fifth century A.D., a good hundred years or so before humans ever stole the idea from us! (But don't bother goin' to look for it in Wikipedia, cuz none of you stuck-up humans even admit it exists... which is all the better for us, of course!)

Oh, and FYI, Siamese cats introduced the art of Nincatsu to the western world in the 19th century.

And now? Heh. Now, we're trainin' en masse, and by the time you hapless homo sapiens know what's comin'... we'll be in control, like we were always meant to be!

[The Silver Fox sez: "Oh, good grief, Orson! You don't really expect me to let you post this drivel, do you?" Orson sez: "Yeah, I do! Just try and stop me!" The Silver Fox sez: "Try to stop me, you mean! When you say 'try and stop me,' you're actually saying..." Orson sez: "SHADDAP!!!"}

Okay, folks, that's it for today, but just so ya know, I ain't done yet! I'll be writin' the next post on The Lair of the Silver Fox Black Cat, too, but it'll be a much calmer post, tentatively entitled "A Day in the Life!"

I'm lookin' forward to yer comments on this one, by the way... But don't bother writin' 'em yerselves! I'd much rather hear from yer cats, dogs, rabbits, gerbils (You listenin', Richard Gere?), parakeets, boa constrictors... Ya get the picture? That oughtta be easy for those Alan Burnett and Pat Hatt dudes, not to mention that cute li'l Betsy chick, with their menageries, huh?) If so... Get to work!

And thanks for yer... uhhh... food? Like I said, pork chops and steaks...