Saturday, June 27, 2009

The Other "L" Word

This is just an observation, one which may sound kinda weird, coming from a cynic like myself.

I've read all sorts of things about people finding love -- a/k/a "the 'L' word," as I used to call it before the debut of a certain Showtime series -- on the internet, but I am extremely skeptical about that. Infatuation, yes. Lust, sure. But real, abiding, romantic love? Personally, I don't feel that you can have that sort of connection until you've actually met, and spent time together.

You know, like in the so-called "real" world?

However, having said that, I do believe that you can get to know someone well enough via emails to eventually feel "friendly love" -- platonic love, in other words -- for that person. In fact, it's happened to miserable ol' cynical me not once, not twice, but at least four times in the not-quite-ten years I've been online.

So... "love" yes, "in love," no.

And no, no names.

Don't be silly!

I can't completely let my guard down, don'tcha know.

Thanks for your time.

P.S. -- Next time, it's back to my usual cynical bastardliness, I promise.

18 comments:

  1. having just watched "elegy" I find your post quite timely. Ben Kingsley's character speaks of romantic love and takes the woman of his latest desire to a play that speaks of platonic love--he was looking for more but would settle for platonic love--with that in mind, emails cannot replace the exchange of people meeting face to face--I do believe,however, that emails can lay the groundwork for an interesting meeting. Whenever I have heard or experienced the discussion of romantic and platonic love, it is primarily based on one of the parties struggling with or aspiring to a new level in the relationship--face to face works best and is true--besides, the eyes never lie.

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  2. Agreed. Face to face works best. But still...

    In my life -- it's really late, and I'm kinda punchy, or I probably wouldn't be writing anything this personal -- I've had several friendships with women where the line between platonic and romantic was blurred at best, and non-existent at worst!

    "MY ISLAND," a lengthy example of the former type, can be found here: http://davidzrantz.blogspot.com/2008/06/my-island-chapter-one.html. I link to it in the left-hand column of my blog, and like I say there, it's 1. "Probably the Best Thing I Ever Wrote" and 2. "Twenty-eight chapters and an epilogue. Pack a lunch."

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  3. I really latched onto this one. Although I'm a romantic I question the emotion called 'love'

    Email romance can be exhilirating!

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  4. i think, having never met some one or only via cyber space, you could fall in love with the thought of them. would have a hard time seeing it go much deeper. face to face always better. interesting post.

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  5. Valerie: More of an agnostic than an atheist, then? ;-)

    Brian: Well put. I think the falling madly in love, head over heels, marry-me-and-have-my-babies reaction to a bunch of emails would fade once you're faced with the reality of that person spending quality time with you physically. But I hear that potential brides from Russia can fall in love after only two or three emails! ;-)

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  6. Mail order brides.

    That's great.

    Love is love. I think love is love and all other things come into a partnership, lust, physical attraction and such. But those are other things then love.

    Love is a connection that makes you care about that person more than another person in the same situation.

    I saw a movie once. The opposite of sex. Lyle Lovett had a great line about a party. Sex is a bio marker. And if the first person in a crowded room you are looking for is not the person you are having sex with then there is no need being with them.

    Or something to that effect. I loved that part. And the part where a good shampoo would be better than sex.

    Great movie if you haven't seen it.

    I think we mix up sex and love too much sometimes. I have been known to do that. Others have done it to me.

    Aren't we all seeking a connection to another person? Sometimes we get it where we can. And if you call that love, it's o.k.. Then it is love to you.

    June's almost over, I better get off my butt and finish writing the end of Ugly.

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  7. I don't remember emailing you all that much.

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  8. Ishat: I did see that film. Loved it. A lot of good little points. Didn't Lyle have a line like "Look for me first in any crowded room" or something?

    I wasn't really talking about sex. Can't do that online. (Well, not exactly...)

    My point was just that -- IMHO -- people who convince themselves that they can fall IN love online aren't being realistic.

    IANO: Only after I told you I got the cat...

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  9. S.F., cynic? You? I don't think I could let myself do this(on-line)falling in love thing. Relationships in the real world were bad enough. I never really tried to make them work( I don't believe you should never "make" something like that work, anyway ). Or maybe it's just cause I'm a "lone wolf". Dunno....

    @Ishat-my landlord just "procured" a wifey from China( only to find out she's in the country illegally )Big surprise( to him...maybe )

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  10. No way, a chines bride, I thought china didn't have enough adult women to let them get away like that.

    SF, yeah, something to that effect. I haven't seen the movie in a while, but the feeling stayed with me. I know he was a side character, but he was the main focus of the film for me.

    I knew all about you and AINO, no easy way to hide it!

    Latest Chap of Ugly is up for ya. It is a bit lighter, I think you will like it.

    And I think one or 2 more chapters until I am done.

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  11. Lurv!!!! Yea, I know what you mean.LOVE is both abstract & subjective (as is the WW if you think about it).
    I suppose the Internet can be the Start of Something.Why Not.......?
    All this could also explain all those Spam Emails for Viagra I keep Getting!

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  12. yes, i have a number of blog-love experiences

    i'm not sure the chances of getting to "really" know someone online are so much different from the chances in "real" life

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  13. Ah I thought you'll be posting about lesbiens,since it was Gay pride not a long time ago,lol.

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  14. Hear, hear!

    (I've been reading and not commenting...now I'll comment a whole ton and then go quiet again for a month...I love having a pattern.)

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  15. Glad you liked this one. And hey, while you're commenting on old entries, any chance I'll get comments about the two stories I keep nagging you about? Huh? Huh?

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  16. I can understand finding friendship online. I can even understanding getting to know a person enough to decide to go out on a date from meeting online. What boggles my mind are people who have never met in person that meet one time and they are in a relationship. I am talking about the "I left my wife and kids to be with someone I did not meet in person until I showed up with my boxes at her door" sort of thing. Of course, many times situations like this end up with one person getting scammed by the other. No real surprise there. But yet, there are still people out there who do shit like that. I don't get it...lol

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  17. Interesting post, Sir.Cynic...whose maybe not so cynic. There was a term passed to me that I've quite taken too...mutual admiration. I liked that term. With the exception of the physical, I think you can get to know someone quite well, provided honesty and integrity play a roll.

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  18. @Natasha: There are some days on which I think that a "cynic" is just where you dump the dirty dishes.

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