David'Z RantZ: DAMNIT, I CAN'T WRITE QUICKLY ENOUGH!!!

So, there I was, a few days ago, reacting with sadness to the news that Ed McMahon (Johnny Carson's announcer/sidekick) had died, and I decided to draft a tribute post for him. But before I did that, I wanted to finish my "Father's Day" serial and post my "Theme Thursday" entry on the subject of summer.

In the interim, Farrah Fawcett died (sad, but expected) and Michael Jackson (mixed feelings on that death, but it was a surprise) died, too.

Oh, crap, thought I, here come all those people talking about -- and articles devoted to -- that so-called "Rule of Threes!"

So instead, I began drafting one big blog post about the three celebrities listed above.

But then I discovered that Sky Saxon (lead singer for the late 1960s group The Seeds, of "Pushin' Too Hard" and "I Can't Seem to Make You Mine" fame) died on the same day as Ms. Fawcett and Mr. Jackson.

Hm. Rule of Threes? If we connect the three who died on June 25th, where does that leave Ed McMahon?

Well! I'd been drafting a new post, based on that question, and I find out today that TV pitchman Billy Mays has died! (To my British readers: Billy Mays is was the USA's equivalent of Cillit Bang's Barry Scott!)

A rare nude photograph of TV commercial spokesperson
Billy Mays, courtesy of your own Silver Fox!

So, if there is a Rule of Threes, someone else is gonna bite the big one any minute! That'll make two Rule of Threes combos.

Or would that give us a new rule, a Rule of Sixes?

Or will no one else die for a while, leaving it as a different new rule, the Rule of Fives?

Or are these freaking celebrities gonna keep dropping off -- and remember, folks, "celebrity" is pretty near an all-encompassing term -- until we have to amend the Rule of Threes to, say, a Rule of Forty-Sevens?!?!?

See, folks? My point is really that the Rule of Threes is out-and-out bullshit, and can be manipulated any way you want to manipulate it.

Or, as I recently posted on Facebook:

HEY! "Rule of Threes," right? Well, Sky Saxon (6/25/2009), Michael Jackson (6/25/2009), and Farrah Fawcett (6/25/2009) -- too bad her last name doesn't rhyme with Saxon & Jackson -- make three! So... Ed McMahon (6/23/2009) and... and... David Carradine (6/3/2009)... and... and... Clark Gable (11/16/1960) make three, too! See how easy this is???Thanks for your time.

P.S. -- And a special note to all of you celebrities: You can cut the crap any damned time now, folks!