We're Off to See the Whizzer! ~~ A "Comical Wednesday" Post

Uhhh... "Fastest Man Alive?" Don't tell The Flash that!

Don't be fooled, fellow babies! This is not Part Two of last week's "WHAT Were They THINKING?" post, because today's post is devoted to only one character.

One... ludicrous... embarrassing... character.

A few weeks ago, in another "Comical Wednesday" post, I told you about a 1960s comic -- Fantasy Masterpieces #10, if you care -- which reprinted a story from 1946 featuring the awkwardly-named "All-Winners Squad."

And speaking of "awkwardly-named," maybe you remember the superheroes (and one superheroine) from that fabled team? Captain America & Bucky, the (original) Human Torch & Toro, Prince Namor the Sub-Mariner, Miss America, and... errr... the Whizzer.

What?

I said THE WHIZZER!

The Whizzer (real name, Robert Frank) first appeared in U.S.A. Comics #1, cover-dated August, 1941. U.S.A. Comics was published by Timely Comics, the company that became Marvel Comics in the early 1960s. The Whizzer's first artist (and presumably co-creator) was Al Avison, a stalwart Timely penciler and inker who worked on Captain America and many other features during the Golden Age. The writer/co-creator is unknown, and if I were he, I'd want it that way!

The Whizzer not only had an... ummm... unfortunate name, he also had one of the most idiotic superheroic origins in the history of comics... and that's saying a lot!

As the story opens, young Bob Frank is in the African jungle with his dad, famed doctor Emil Frank. Poor Bob is bitten by a cobra! Then, out of nowhere, a mongoose appears. As you're probably already aware, a mongoose is an incredibly fast animal, and this one fights the deadly snake to the death. The cobra's death, I should point out, although the valiant mongoose soon dies as well from injuries received during the battle.

A little aside, here: On my way to Florida in 1973, I saw a stuffed cobra and mongoose combo very similar to the above illustration... but they wanted $75 for the sucker, so it was clearly out of the realm of an "impulse item" for sixteen-year-old, not-yet-Silver Fox! Almost thirty years later, when I discovered eBay, I found another one for sale, coincidentally priced at $75, which was a lot less in terms of 1973 dollars versus 2000 dollars! Naturally, it now resides in my private collection!

Anyway, as I was saying before I rudely interrupted myself, here's where it gets weird. Emil Frank, supposedly a respected doctor, decides to inject some of the blood of the mongoose into his dying son! But of course! Wouldn't you?

(Yeah, Bob, you're a whizzer, all right!)

Don'tcha love how the transfusion of mongoose blood both saved Bob's life and gave him super-speed? And his dad knew all of that beforehand?

(Actually, in the modern-age Marvel Comics, the Whizzer's origin was amended slightly. It seems that the injection of mongoose blood actually jump-started Bob Frank's latent mutant super-speed powers. Uh-huh. I guess Dr. Frank had anticipated that, too, right? I guess the good doctor really was a freakin' genius!)

Anyway... The Whizzer only lasted a few years during the 1940s, but during that time he appeared in several different Timely Comics titles. And during all this time, it seems that no one at Timely cared very much about giving him a consistent appearance. I'm going to show you only some of the costume variations I found! You can feel free to glance very quickly at the next seven illustrations!

Yellow helmet with wings and a freakin' bird head, no mask,
yellow long-sleeved shirt, blue pants, blue boots, no cape.

Yellow headpiece with a "fin," no mask, yellow short-sleeved shirt, no

gloves, oddly-cut blue shorts, yellow leggings, blue boots, blue cape.

Red helmet with wings and a freakin' bird head, no mask, yellow long-sleeved
shirt, no gloves(?), blue shorts, yellow leggings, red boots, no cape.

Yellow headpiece with a "fin," no mask, yellow short-sleeved shirt, no

gloves, oddly-cut blue shorts, yellow leggings, blue boots, blue cape.

Yellow helmet with a "fin," half-mask, yellow short-sleeved shirt,

blue gloves, blue shorts, yellow leggings, blue boots, blue cape.

Yellow helmet with wings and a freakin' bird head, no mask, yellow

long-sleeved shirt, no gloves, yellow pants, blue boots, no cape.

Yellow headpiece with a "fin," no mask, yellow short-sleeved shirt,
brown gloves, oddly-cut blue shorts, yellow leggings, boots(?), blue cape.

Had enough? I have!

To me, it's a rather comforting feeling that, even in the 1940s, the folks at Timely knew they were dealing with a dorky character:

That embarrassingly stereotypical African-American is the Whizzer's 1940s sidekick, "Slow-Motion" Jones. There were
many characters like him in comics, movies, and other "entertainment" of the era. The less said about him, the better.

And modern-day Marvel creators know it, too!

Really dignified, huh?

For reasons known only to Roy Thomas, the Whizzer was revived in the 1970s, both in new stories set in the 1940s, and in some Avengers-related stories which took place in then-modern times. It was retroactively established that the Whizzer had been a member of two other 1940s super-teams, the Invaders and the Liberty Legion, two teams that hadn't really existed in the comics of the Golden Age! 

At one point -- when the Liberty Legion team first appeared in 1976 -- they even re-told the Whizzer's origin, but Roy Thomas couldn't resist making a mild wisecrack at the end of it.

There was a long-running -- no pun intended -- sub-plot which had everyone thinking that the Whizzer and Miss America were the real parents of Pietro and Wanda Maximoff (that's Quicksilver and the Scarlet Witch to you). However, this supposition on the part of all characters involved ended in the 1980s, when it was revealed that Wanda and Pietro were really the children of Magneto and a woman named Magda! (Of course, comics being comics, later writers established that neither Bob Frank nor Magneto had fathered the twins. And why don't I just change the subject now, okay?)

Additionally, I should mention that there have been a few different characters since the 1960s -- both superheroes and super-villains* --who have taken the name "Whizzer." (Although I'm not sure why...)

But as for Bob Frank, the original?

After a series of heart attacks... he died in 1982.

And, even though these are comic books, I doubt there are any plans to bring him back.

Thanks for your time.

*Including a villain who later changed his name to Speed Demon, and can you blame him?