Saturday, June 5, 2010

History's Bravest Two Men?

A question that often arises is "If you could hold a conversation with any five men and/or women you want (living or dead), whom would you choose?"

Answers usually include those that history regards as great men, such as -- in no particular order -- Lincoln, Jesus, Muhammad, Einstein, Gandhi... Others prefer celebrities like Marilyn Monroe, one or more of the Beatles, or Elvis. Personally, I don't have a definitive list of five, but I'd probably go with five that would include some or all of the following: Orson Welles, Johnny Carson, Jack Benny, Harold Lloyd... and at least one star from the early rock'n'roll era, like Gene Vincent or Roy Orbison... and probably some comic artists (comic books or comic strips) like Wallace Wood, Jack Kirby, Milton Caniff, Windsor McKay, Jack Burnley, or... Hell, my biggest problem would be trimming down my list of "wants" to only five!

Especially since I'd wanna add one -- maybe two? -- others. I've long been of the opinion that one of the bravest men in history was the first person to eat an egg. No, really. Say all you want about about how hunting may have been scarce at some point, and so some caveman scooped a handful of eggs from a bird's nest, but think about it: Would he have done so, no matter how hungry, if he'd seen where the egg had... umm... originated?

Here are two scenarios, featuring cavemen (Neanderthal, Cro-Magnon, who cares?) whom I've named Oog and Uk, as they sit around the campfire:

* * * * *

First Scenario

Oog: Hey, Uk, are you hungry? Want some of these left-over mastodon steaks?

Uk: No, thanks, dude. I'd much rather chow down on these oval things I saw a big bird squeeze out of its butt!

* * * * *

Not bloody likely.

* * * * *

Second Scenario (again, with Oog and Uk sitting around the campfire, and we'll stick to Uk's dialogue only, here)

Uk: Hey, Oog, what's that yellow stuff you're eating? (pauses, as Oog replies) Scrambled what? (Oog answers again.) Any good? (Oog nods.) Mind if I try some? (Oog nods again. Uk takes a mouthful and chews it.) Not bad. Where'd you get this stuff? (Oog tells him. Uk immediately looks nauseous.) Don't tell me that, man...

* * * * *

So, was Oog the bravest man in history, or was Uk (who probably continued eating, even after Oog's "revelation?") Food for thought... no pun intended.

Thanks for your time.


  1. I would make some witty comment but I don't want to egg you on.

  2. Hey you! No women on your list! (Psssst! I will talk with you, Foxy.)

  3. @Alan: That sort of dignified restraint is eggzactly what I would have expected from you.

    @AngelMay: Nothing sexist was implied, I assure you! I could have very easily listed -- again, in no particular order -- Jean Harlow, Katharine Hepburn, Billie Holiday, Clara Barton (who was raised and buried in the town I grew up in), Janis Joplin, Natalie Wood, Frances Farmer, Hedy Lamarr, and Wallis Simpson. (Although I must admit -- to quote from Jack Nicholson -- "talk" may be the "wrong verb" in some of those examples.) As I said, trimming my list down to five would be next to impossible... especially since I didn't list Edgar Allan Poe or Charles Dickens, either.

    And I'll gladly "talk" with you any time! You can send an email through my blog.

  4. Can't believe I wasn't on your list!;)

    Now to the cavemen...I sure hope fire was discovered before the egg eating. Eeeew! ha.

  5. I dunno, I think I'd stick with the Lincoln, Jesus, Gandhi scenario and throw in Otis Redding and Robert Redford for good measure.

    Women might include Madame Curie, Elizabeth I, Mary Magdalene, Elizabeth Cady Stanton, Margaret Sanger. Yea!

  6. Ha!

    Eleanor Roosevelt, for sure. I agree, it's tough to narrow it down to only five!

  7. @Cali Girl: Nice mix!

    @Megan: Especially for me. On a newsletter I used to come out with when I ran a comic retailing business, I once talked about "The Five Greatest Comic Book & Comic Strip Artists," and proceeded to list all twelve of them!

  8. Send Harold Lloyd over to the manor when you're done with him!

  9. @Willow: Isn't/wasn't Lloyd incredible? I first learned about him in detail in a documentary called "The Third Genius" (the other two being Chaplin and Keaton), and have been a huge fan of his ever since. I not only tracked down the documentary, but for a while I owned a cardboard pair of spectacles like his that were issued as a promotional item during the twenties.


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