Friday, July 8, 2011

Money Talks!

Ben: You should be ashamed of yourself, sir!

Jack: What are you talking about?

Ben: Do not play the innocent with me, sir!

Jack: Stop calling me 'sir,' please. 'Jack' will do.

Ben: Very well, then... Jack. I'm referring to the outrageous effect you have had on your country. Our country, I should say!

Jack: Errr... ahhh... As I recall... Ben... you weren't all that moderate in your own dealings with the ladies. Besides, none of that stuff came out until after I was long gone. And surely you're not suggesting my personal life has affected the USA as it stands today.

Ben: I am not speaking of your dalliances with the fairer sex, Jack. I can sympathize with those, certainly... But I digress. (pause) I speak instead of your disastrous effect on the economy, as it affects the common citizens of these United States.

Jack: Now, surely you can't be blaming me for the financial mess this country's in, Ben. I've been dead since 1963.

Ben: Again you miss my meaning, Jack. I'm not speaking of Jack Kennedy the man, nor even Jack Kennedy the President.

Jack: Errr... ahhh... Then what's left?

Ben: Jack Kennedy the half dollar, of course!

Jack: What the f-- errr... ahhh... I mean, I beg your pardon?

Ben: Almost immediately after your regrettable assassination, the nation chose to honor you by replacing my image with yours on the half dollar coin!

Jack: Oh, so that's what this is about? Jealousy?

Ben: Pish-tosh, sir! That's preposterous! (pause) And totally besides the point, I should add. I still have the one-hundred-dollar bill! Thus, as they say in your era... So there! (pauses) But I digress, once again. Do you fail to see what the people of these modern times call "the bigger picture," Jack?

Jack: Errr... ahhh... I'm afraid I do.

Ben: Then allow me to elucidate, Jack. When the Kennedy half dollar first went into circulation in 1964, many people -- most people, I daresay -- refused to spend them, keeping them instead for either sentimental value or their perceived value as a collectible.

Jack: And what's wrong with that? I was kind of flattered, actually.

Ben: The problem is that no one saves only one of these coins. They hoard them by the dozens, or more. Nearly fifty years since their appearance, they have almost disappeared as an economic force. And doesn't it seem rather ridiculous that a coin worth half a dollar has all but disappeared, in an age when it's the one-cent and five-cent pieces that are almost worthless?

Jack: Not to mention the dime and quarter as well...

Ben: Good point. (pauses) If the down-trodden souls of the lower and middle classes were only to remove their hoarded coins from their stocking drawers and coin collectors' albums, they could fight off their debtors by spending these coins. In fact, some of the earlier mintings contain up to 90% silver, so those coins could be sold to coin dealers or pawnbrokers for much more than their so-called face value. The influx of such an amount could bolster this sagging economy!

Jack: Errr... ahhh... Surely you don't think that that's all it would take? I thought that you, of all people, were smarter than that.

Ben: (long pause) No... no... (sighs) I suppose not... And stop calling me "Shirley!"

*  *  *  *  *

The (90%) Silver Fox: Errr... ahhh... Thanks for your time.


  1. hahaha "don't call me Shirley"

    Orlin: "Wow Fox that was really inventive of you, But I know what's true. Orson is he taking 90% of the credit from you, don't worry I'll make sure everyone knows it was a cat that wrote this through and through."

    Pat: "Just because you didn't think of it first."

    Orlin: "Shut up Pat, I'm talking to Orson the cat. Figures humans would hold on to money and sell money for money, screwed up logic there. Hey maybe we can sell our hair for more hair. I'll even charge a price that's fair."

    Nicely done post, yeah it does seem kind of pointless to hold on to money for money, but to each their own.

  2. @Orlin: Orson tried to write a creative piece once... or don't you remember that "ceral [sic] killer" story?

    @Pat: How do you clean cat hair off of your computer keyboard?

  3. So, fess up, Silver. How many Kennedy half dollars do you have stashed away?

  4. Betsy: One, from 1964. And only because of its silver content. I've been stockpiling silver coins lately, however, watching the silver prices rise. Small, affordable, long-term "investment."

  5. OK, what about $2 bills? ;)

  6. @Betsy: None. I do collect Jefferson nickels from 1938 to 1961, and Lincoln pennies from 1909 to 1974. (The only significance of those cut-off dates is cuz that's where the coin folders end.) And I have a few other coins for sentimental value or because I think they're cool in some other way (like a few ancient Roman coins, and that Latvian beer mug coin). I even have some repro Confederate bills, and some other repro coins including some colonial coins, Spanish doubloons, etc. I was a big-time coin & bill collector in the early 1970s. Now... not so much.

  7. I have a couple of those coin folders from the 60's. :)

    I picked up an Indian Head Penny dated 1891 at a flea market for Taylor in 1991, right after his birth. Only got it because it was 100 years old. Kinda cool. :)

  8. I love it when something really old like that turns up in circulation. I got an Indian penny in my change several months ago.

  9. Oh, that's cool! I paid $1 for mine. I know they aren't worth much. I just bought it for the date. Fun you found one in circulation!

    Now, what coin could you have chat with the Indian?

  10. Almost any of them, saying "Sorry we screwed your people so badly."

  11. have a point!

    Have I told you that my great, great grandmother was a full-blooded Cherokee? Yes, I probably have. :)

  12. Orlin: "Yes Orson did so good with that, that you now take full credit for the cat. I know you do, Orlin's got his eye on you."

    Pat: "Orlin's full of hot air so he just blows the hair away Ha."

    Oh so you are a money collecter too. I never really saw a big point to it, yeah maybe something 100 years old. But money is money to me..haha

    Sure only two Great's Betsy?..haha...yeah and that would be all any coin could say to the Indian coin.

  13. Yes, Pat...2 greats. :) Seriously!

  14. @Betsy: Yes, I knew that, probably from some Sepia Saturday entry.

    @Pat: Ha! I like that.

    @Orlin: You're showing a bit of "feline bias" there. Any writing skills Orson shows come from reading my blogs and others' blogs over my shoulder. He once tried a correspondence course called "How to Write Good," but that was a dismal failure.


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