Friday, November 11, 2011

Who [Writes] Short Shorts? -- A "David'Z RantZ" Post


Short Shorts this time, fellow babies!

1. If you wanna drag me over to your computer to show me your cool new photos, try renaming them something that makes sense first. 1250024552Yw0FWh doesn't mean monkey-f*** to me, nor does it to you, I expect. So if you wanna show me a shot of your Aunt Sadie proudly holding her newborn grand-nephew, label it something that makes sense, like "Sadie with baby Arthur" or whatever. That way you can find it more quickly.

2. I have determined that UPS stands for "You People Suck!"

3. (This one is specifically aimed at one friend and one relative, neither of whom read my blog. So why am I writing this? It's called venting, boys and girls!) When you get a cell phone, you are making an implicit agreement with the Universe to be available to everyone on earth, twenty-four hours a day... forever. I don't wanna call you and get your freakin' voice mail, or worse, a recorded message saying that you haven't even bothered to set up your voice mail yet! "I can't get to the phone right now..." Oh, yeah? The doggone thing should be Super Glued to your ear!


4. Here's some good news! This Saturday marks the 100th edition of Sepia Saturday! I am gonna try my darnedest to participate. In honor of Veteran's Day (today) and in honor of the Sepia Saturday "100th" theme itself. I plan a mercifully brief post about not one, but two family members! (I say "plan." That could depend on my #6, below.)

5. I'm following so many other blogs lately, it's cutting into my writing time. So, fellow (and lady) Blogger-bloggers, please don't take it personally if I don't visit you as much for a bit. My shit blog comes first.

6. I know that medical terminology evolves as they learn more and more about the workings of the mind and body. For example, many of the kids currently diagnosed with ADHD are what we used to call "brats." (And if you have one who legitimately has ADHD, please don't leave a nasty comment. This is primarily a humor blog, and these are RantZ!) Anyway... Are they still calling a "nervous breakdown" a "nervous breakdown?" Cuz... I think I'm having one.

That is all. Thanks for your time.

20 comments:

  1. haha can I still name my photos 2194u04u04urwe if Orlin does a rhyming description beneath them? I mean you should get the drift then right?

    Pffft my cell phone is always on, but I only pick it up when it's someone interesting. The rest of the time it goes to the wonderful recorded computer voice.

    UPS? You mean the Universal Polite Society, how can you be mad at them?..haha

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  2. I think in this post as a collage of feelings and things pending ... I promise not to send photos or my relatives or aunts....

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  3. @Gloria: Yeah, maybe,... but that last part threw me. :)

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  4. Having one of those days? I've been home without power, roads are washing away and you once again have me blog commenting with a cell phone! I couldn't do that if it was glued to my hip :) I can tell you though, the two groups who are guaranteed to get my voicemail 1. Family and 2. Family :)

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  5. Please don't have a nervous breakdown. It's really, really not necessary and all will be well.

    Love,
    Lola

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  6. And I'm sorry I'm so bad at using the scanner. I used to be able to make it work and now it argues with me. So I apologize for sending you that shot of the little girl standing on her head when she should have been standing on her feet. Did I send it with a weird number? I can't remember. You make so many demands and I really, really don't know what I'm going to do because I'm sexually frustrated and my life is so . . . and everyone will see this, won't they?

    Oops.

    Love,
    Lola

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  7. @Natasha: Family members! Exactly! I can never get through to N**** and J*******! Why did they give me their numbers in the first place?!? And... "Every day is one of those days."

    @Lola: That's not what the little voices are telling meeee...

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  8. @Lola: Don't worry about the scanner. I can rotate photos like you wouldn't believe. As to your other "issues," only a handful of commenters will read that.

    At least until I get writer's block and need something to post about...

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  9. I'm apologizing in advance in case you ever get my voicemail....

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  10. @Betsy: I'm waiting for Pat's comment on your comment. He always twists things so they reflect badly on me, the little...

    Oops. He'll probably read that...

    Crap.

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  11. haha what? You expect me to comment on that? Pffft Pat's above that.

    "But not the cat. No need to apologize to poor Fox, he calls your voicemail box, just to hear your charming voice. He's addicted and has no choice..haha"

    Will that make you spit what comes after "the little?"

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  12. Orlin ~ you think my voice is charming? aww...you cute little fur ball...

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  13. @Orlin: Actually, I've never heard her voice on her voicemail.

    And: "Will that make you spit what comes after 'the little?""'?" I'll give you a hint: "Yippee Kay Yay..."

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  14. Orlin is such a suck up..haha

    "Mother Flocker, oh Fox that is just lame, paying the old G game..haha"

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  15. MY version wouldn't have been CENSORED, turkey neck! Haha!

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  16. Lovely blog, you're quite skillful and interesting mind you've got there...like the diversity in your posts...rants and then poems and...

    Wild Rose~

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  17. fine, if it has to be all about you you know...smiles.

    are you sure they are not scanning calls...smiles.

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  18. @Julliette: Thank you!

    @Brian: I'm not sure of anything any more...

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  19. I love Jim Croce. I still have his albums. I wouldn't pick Cry Baby for Joplin. I'd choose -- I don't know the exact title -- A Little Piece of My Heart or Bobby McGee. I really, really love your blog.

    Love,
    Lola, who needs to go to bed

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