Saturday, November 11, 2017

I'm a Flasher!


After my last lonnnng post, I decided to take it easy on you. Here goes:

Seven years ago, I joined several other bloggers who wrote what they referred to as a "Flash 55," a complete story using only fifty-five words! I did this four times in 2010, and since the stories are so short, I'm going to reprint all of them here and now, but not in their original order... as if it matters.

The first one I ever did was called "A Very Personal Flash 55," and is what I described as "an autobiographical work of fiction."

* * * * *

The Silver Fox sat down to write Friday's "Flash 55" post, to prove that he could be that brief. He thought, If I can just set my mind to it...

Unfortunately, there was one major, unanticipated stumbling block. His story remained unwritten. He couldn't decide whether the word count should include... "Thanks for your time."

* * * * *

Here's one called "Chickening Out."

* * * * *




"Chicken again?" he said to his wife. "Almost every night, chicken! Fried... roasted... chicken salad sandwiches... chicken soup...! How about a nice steak, or some pork chops?"

"Excuse my interruption..." said his wife. "The economy's been picking up. Did you bother looking for a job today?"

"Uhhh, no..."

"So, you were saying...?"

"Pass the chicken."

* * * * *

"The only thing that cannot successfully be put off until a later time is procrastination." -- David M. Lynch (and he -- okay, I -- oughtta know!)

In that spirit, I wrote another Flash 55, called "A Sucky Habit." It deals with a procrastinator named "Steven."

* * * * *


Lighting his cigarette, Steven thought, "What idiot first thought of inhaling the smoke of burning tobacco leaves?"

He debated "Googling" the answer, but... Steven tended to procrastinate.

He wondered if that unfortunate tendency would give him a chance to Google the subject, especially considering his recent talk with his doctor...

After Steven's last chest x-ray.

* * * * *

In the interests of full disclosure, I should probably mention that I leisurely puffed on a Pall Mall while I wrote the above. That was seven years ago. I quit smoking after my heart attack back in 2013,. The fourth anniversary of that heart attack is approaching. It's November 13th.

* * * * *

The very last Flash 55 I have for you is my personal favorite, entitled "Norman's Perfect Murder Scheme."

* * * * *

Norman wanted to kill Burt!

Burt had countless friends. (Potential witnesses!)

Burt inhabited an island cottage on a small lake.

Late tonight, Norman insured (via binoculars) that Burt had no guests. Norman grinned, knife at his side, and dove into the lake. (No boat rental, no evidence!)

Only then, Norman remembered that he couldn't swim...

* * * * *

Well, that's it!

Thanks for your time.

19 comments:

  1. All of your flashing is great. You quit smoking??? I had no idea. I didn't think a heart attack could stop you--not that you were a heavy smoker.

    Love,
    Janie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. About a pack a day. And yes, I quit, four years ago this upcoming Monday.

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    2. A pack a day? Now that shocks me. I believe you owned up to a couple of cigarettes a day.

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    3. I had a pack a day habit for a long time. Then I started buying bags of tobacco and rolling my own to save money. I quickly discovered that the cigarettes were a pain in the butt to make, so I cut down considerably. Maybe that's when I told you that I smoked very little? Anyway, I tapered off to the point where I eventually was able to quit. However, it wasn't long before I returned to smoking and buying full packs again, working my way back to one pack a day, until my heart attack. Then I quit.

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    4. That must have been when you told me that you didn't smoke much. Good thing I didn't know that you went back to smoking so much. I would have give you hell about it.

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  2. Ha ha - these were worth waiting for! Well done for giving up the dreaded weed - I did so back in 2003 and can't bear the smell of cigarettes now.
    Norman's Perfect Murder Scheme was my favourite too. Well done for managing a story in just 55 words - I'm having enough trouble doing it in one hundred.

    Susan A Eames at
    Travel, Fiction and Photos

    ReplyDelete
  3. I remember the flash 55 going around. Think I did it once. I guess murderous intentions makes one forget such things as can't swim. Chicken every day works for me. No more smoking is a win, expensive as can be. Already have a neighbor I call Old Smokey, Grammar Nazi is much better haha

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I always kid around with people and say I'm going to start smoking again when I'm about eighty-five. If it "shortens" my life then, who the hell cares?

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  4. HaHa, good stories. Congrats on stopping smoking, it takes determination. I quit in January of 1999. The night before I had thought I would become a gross old lady smoking if I lived that long. I woke up the next morning with a cold and have never smoked since. It took several months for the urge to leave.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know a lot of smokers who smoke very little, if at all, when they have a cold. I always smoked as much as ever when I had a cold.

      Delete
  5. Fox!! Put your clothes on! A great variety of hor d'oeuvre stories. 😊

    ReplyDelete
  6. Great, fun flashes! I remember this meme - wasn't it by a blogger called g-man?

    Glad you gave up smoking, the risks are so not worth it. Stay well.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. G-Man? Yes, I think you're right. I don't recall exactly how I got involved with the other "flashers," but I seem to remember G-Man visiting my Flash 55 posts. There must have been a Mr. Linky somewhere.

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  7. Glad you quit smoking. Also, just want to say I doubt there'll be a person who reads your blog who doesn't stop at the first joke, the weenie joke, and laugh so hard they have to wait a minute before they finish reading. It's hard to read with tears in your eyes. Tears from laughter.
    Thanks for the smiles.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hope you liked the stories even half as much as the comic.

      Delete
  8. Congrats on your four-year anniversary.

    I like your flashing! Never thought I'd say that to anyone . . .

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. They were fun to do, but each one took a while.

      Delete

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