Saturday, August 29, 2009

Yet ANOTHER "Folks, I Don't Make Up This Stuff!" Entry

"And I think to myself, what a wonderful world..."

Excerpts from the Wikipedia article:

"Dildo is a town on the southeastern Dildo Arm of Trinity Bay on the island of Newfoundland, Newfoundland and Labrador, Canada."

[I suppose the exact meaning of "Dildo Arm" depends on whether you're left-handed or right-handed, eh?]

"The first [All Saints' Anglican Church] was built in 1878 by the people of Dildo. It was a simple structure that had no tower and was 30 feet (9.1 m) wide by 80 feet (24 m) long."

[No tower? Doesn't seem right, somehow.]

"This Church served the community until 1964 when the present (larger) building was constructed."

[Ah. So bigger is better.]

"Dildo offers picturesque scenery..."

[I'll just bet it does.]

"...several bed and breakfasts, eating establishments, the Dildo Museum interpretive centre..."

[Sign me up for a tour of that last one!]

"...the Historic Dildo Days celebration in August..."

[August? Damn! So sorry to have missed that!]

"South Dildo had the roadside attraction of a wooden life-size humpback whale head, however after many years it was destroyed at the beginning of the 2006-2007 winter."

[Hm. Too many ways to go with that one. Insert your own joke here!]

Thanks to "Subby" for pointing this out in the comments section of my previous post... and thanks for your time.

P.S. -- Next time around, I'll talk about this quaint country road in South Yorkshire...

No, no... I won't. The running joke ends here... pretty much.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Folks, I Don't Make Up This Stuff!

You have to wonder why the bicycle
was left there. Maybe
someone was
inspired to steal off to the bushes?

(For the full story, go here. Go. Go. You know you want to...)

I saw a similar article about this very same town, a year or two ago, and more or less forgot about it. But when my friend Will posted this one on Facebook, I finally decided to share it with y'all.

I'm not even going to add any smartass comments of my own.

No, really.

Thanks for your time.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

My Shadow Life (or, "Angst for the Memories") -- A "Theme Thursday" Post

Today's Theme Thursday topic is "SHADOW."

So many ways to go with this'n, especially for a lifelong fan of the pulps' Kent Allard! But in my never-ending quest to avoid being predictable, here instead is an oh-so-dramatic and pretentious little song which I wrote just thirty years ago, followed by an explanation of sorts. I wish you could "hear" it instead of read it. The tune is best described as Simon & Garfunkel's "Flowers Never Bend with the Rainfall" meets the Beatles' "I've Just Seen a Face." (I'm sure that helps, huh?)

Shadows

Lying in the dark,
Waiting for the spark
To set my life's fire ablaze.
Down-and-dirty six-gun,
Six-pack more, and I'm done,
Definitely, obviously crazed.

CHORUS
Shadows, always shadows,
Reaching out, and hiding in,
Words are veiled in sadness,
Wrapped again in madness.
Such, they say, are wages of my sin.

Pity not the One,
Satan's favorite son,
Death's second cousin, to boot.
Fighting off the hordes,
Counting my rewards,
Loneliness is part of my loot.


CHORUS
Shadows, always shadows,
Reaching out, and hiding in,
Words are veiled in sadness,
Wrapped again in madness.
Such they say, are wages of my sin.

© 5/26/1979 David M. Lynch

So, what the hell was I thinking when I wrote that, you may be wondering? (I mean, really! "Death's second cousin?") I wrote "Shadows" when in my early twenties, along with similarly-themed songs and poems like [deep breath, here!]: "The Black Sun Is Dawning," "Not by the Gun," "The Long and Bloody End," "False Hope Smatterings," "Death," "I'll Kick Myself Again," "Ode to a Fallen Warrior," "Flowers in the Gutter," "A Wonderful Way to Die," "Garrote," "Leavin'," "Lived in Hours," "Crime Don't Pay," and "This Must Be the End!"

After reading all of those titles and learning that I wrote them between ages twenty and twenty-three, you may presume that they were the results of some morbid teen angst hanging onto my psyche.

But no.

Actually, at that time, I was engaged in something I light-heartedly referred to as the "Irish Mafia." Some details surface now and then in a story called "My Island."

Those who know me now would scarcely believe I was once the type of person I was then. Colder, angrier... and, as my dear friend Patty once said, the coldness and anger were pretty much without cause!

Patty, quoted in My Island: "What attracted you to your precious Irish Mafia?" Ooh, another spark. Encouraging. "I mean, what's with this whole 'war with the world' bullshit? I don't recall any big injustices in your life that you needed payback for."

(God, I miss her!)

The Irish Mafia was, appropriately enough considering the title of the above song, a "shadow life" of sorts.

Without going into specifics, I must honestly admit that I pulled enough seedy little stunts back then to make me wonder if, every time something goes wrong in the lives of myself or those I care about nowadays, it's just karma biting me on the butt for sins I committed during my younger years.

Further details, unfortunately, will not be forthcoming! Got to have some secrets, don't I?

And with that ominous and frustrating note...

Thanks for your time.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Michael... Is That You?

All told, it's the nose that's the killer! Or should I say, "Thriller?"

When I saw the above photo of an Egyptian statue, and read the article accompanying it, I decided to share it with my readers and make some appropriate wisecrack. However, after trying to come up with something moderately clever along the lines of "King (Tut) of Pop?" or the like... as Jon Stewart would say, "I got nothin'."

Besides, the statue pictured here is that of an Egyptian woman. No real surprise there, I suppose...

Thanks for your time.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

K.I.S.S. -- A "Theme Thursday" Post (which I sneaked in on Wednesday)

©Andy Warhol

What the hell is Andy Warhol's painting of a can of Campbell's Cream of Mushroom Soup doing at the beginning of today's Theme Thursday post, you're probably wondering.

Well, as you may or may not know, today's Theme Thursday topic is "KISS."

Between friendly or romantic "lip-type" kisses, Hershey's Kisses, KISS the band... There are several ways to go here. However, in my eternal quest to be different, I chose an expression you may or may not have heard of: "K.I.S.S. -- Keep It Simple, Stupid!"

So, simply... This is an announcement of sorts that for a hopefully short duration of an as-yet-unspecified time, my internet presence will be rather limited. This includes Facebook entries and even emails, for those of you who have access to me there. The reasons are varied, and not that important in the grand scheme of things. Concentration on many things -- my myriad "duties" on the internet included -- has been kinda screwed up lately. But don't worry, I'm relatively okay. Just letting you know why my appearances have been and will continue to be "spotty" at best.

And as for the Campbell's Cream of Mushroom Soup illustration above? That's in keeping with an internet tradition begun by Mark Evanier, author of two highly-recommended websites, POVonline and NewsFromME.

Plus, it's an added benefit that the initials of "Campbell's Cream of Mushroom Soup" happen to be the same as "Keep It Simple, Stupid," and...

Oh, wait. No, they aren't. They aren't at all.

I told you my concentration's been kinda screwed up lately!

Thanks for your time.

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